I called with the additional detail. She called back within an hour and we had a 20 minute or so phone session which should tide me over until next Thursday. It went well, I told her everything, all the details. She was afraid of something like this happening. She also said the same thing you all said, I need to treat this like an addiction, and that I'm doing what's in a weird way "normal" and familiar for me. I have to learn new behaviors to break the cycle and start making new connections in my brain, namely that I don't need to sleep with anyone to feel validated or receive approval or love. Now that I've told her, I'm accountable to someone IRL, and she's my sponsor and I call her when I start feeling drawn to this stuff again. And she agreed- H did a bigger number on my mind than we gave him creditBLAME for originally.
I decided I'm not filing any reports- I don't know the guy's last name or anything, so it wouldn't do much good, and big city PD isn't going to be very active in a date-rape type scenario anyways. So I'm letting it go legally, the bigger issue for me is to figure out how I got myself into that situation and to process the emotions that go with it.
On a positive note- dance class starts tomorrow!
All of this is good! And since those "lifestyle" predaators will still be crawling out of the woodwork, why don't you buy some mace/pepper spray or one of those non-professional taser-type things?
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
