Why can't I just do it!?

[Trixi]

What a nice surprise to log in and find the comments- thanks

We never did talk over the weekend. He called me on Saturday to say "Our daughter needs food-- why don't you go get her, I'll meet you at your house and we'll do dinner and get her some groceries." So I called my DD and she said that she was going to a girlfriends to spend the night so she wasn't available. heh- and kept emphasizing she hadn't *asked* for food. Call H back to let him know the plan was off, and he said he would come over anyway. So, we had take-out and watched some great TV shows about the history of Seattle and then a couple of brain shows. Super interesting-- in fact, we both agree that he might need to "balance" his brain. He did try to talk me into ML and I said not until we have a chance to talk. So, see- I'm not a TOTAL pushover. LOL
I have a feeling, though, if I want to talk, I am going to have to be the one to initiate it and probably have an agenda in mind.

@Ali- yes, I too had thought I was finally taking the bull by the horns and making him face the consequences. Unfortunately, with the holidays and my stepson having MS and us both wanting to go to the appointments with the specialist...Oh, who am I kidding? Those are just 'reasons'. ...it's really because there is a certain chemistry between us and we still love each other. Just maybe not "enough".

@Wifey- Thanks for dropping in. I follow your story. It has been interesting to see how your love has softened your H.
The reason for my "hurry" is that it's been 2.5 years we've lived apart. I need to commit fully to buying my rental house if that is what I plan to do. AND, financially, it would be better for me. Well, not health insurance wise, but in other ways it would be better because then I could get my share of the assets and the 401k.
Heck, when we first started dating 15 years ago, we lived in the same apartment complex and within 8 months had started renting a house together. 2.5 years apart hasn't gotten any closer to being together. I guess I am tired.

@Kalni- did you see my latest beads in the alt? I just got an email that I can get a RT ticket to Athens for $762 in March. Cheap!! Too bad I can't spare the $$. I do think I will make it a goal to get over to Italy and Greece at some point in 2010. I feel it calling to me.
I have been following your story, too. (For a helluva long time!) And I see your struggle and frustration with your H.
I think that I feel like doing SOMETHING because I am not getting any younger. LOL I don't feel 'free' to explore other relationships because I am married- and besides, most quality men would probably avoid a woman that is only separated and hasn't at least filed.
OTOH, that didn't stop you from meeting a quality man, so now I have just confused myself.