I am just wondering if there were huge financial consequences for those judged to have committed adultery whether it might be a deterrent.
I understand that infidelity is many times a symptom of a bad marriage, but I still wont embrace it as acceptable. Try to work on the marriage relationship and if it cant be repaired, end it before starting another relationship. I tend to look at infidelity as a crime - a breach of contract.
In the end, I believe the one most hurt from infidelity is usually the one who cheated to begin with. It is a mistake they have to live with for life.
Ok...again very interesting debate....I am on Kerry's side on this one. I think the adulterer should be more hurt financially. That symptom thing is still something I struggle with. I think adultery is just a weakness. Maybe even a sign of our consumer driven times. Why fix it if you can buy a new one. However, Kerry when you write that they are the most hurt by infidelity, that would require a conscience. I am not sure that they actually have one or even consider what they did as a mistake. If that were the case, adulterers would not be recidivists.
I have a feeling that most of those committing adultry would consider that the contract had been breached in other ways. To me the problem with financial consequences is that in almost every case kids will be the ones that end up bearing the brunt.
As quite a few people have pointed out that I got the best from the divorce. I have my children. I have my family. I have my health.
And that is what is more important than the tangible. Extra money is a great tangible, but it can't buy happiness, it can't resolve bitterness or a sense of injustice. It doesn't make the spouse who left any more contrite (if at all).
The concept of having a buy out with infidelity causing a divorce is an interesting one. But I guess that's where pre-nuptial contracts come in. Going into a marriage with all the what if bad things spelled out. Marriage becomes more of a contract and definable.
Go figure.
*hugs*
PS.. The former spouse has told friends that if he had to do it over again, he'd divorce me in an instant. That it was the best thing that's happened to him. Yay Ex! At least he's consistent.
<<Who judges infidelity? The act itself or the stresses that led to it? How do you factor in dysfunction? What about abrupt departure? Would you look at me differently if I'd had the affair because I popped like a zit?>>
Gyps.....oh boy did you hit a nerve here.....
I apologize in advance for the hijack.... I am not perfect, not a saint and I consider myself to be pretty liberal. I can almost forgive a one night stand or three. Or a brief affair. But I will be damned if I am going to share the blame for a cheating WAS's lack of integrity. I just can NOT do it. I would think less of you ..... yes. How many times did I have the opportunitty to take LJ out for some fresh air...maybe things were not going very well. However, I decided to keep my undies on. They (the adulterers) at some point had to make a conscious decision to drop them or spread their legs (like I told my XW a few years ago). They all know the potential consequences, some think they will not get caught and others don't even care. Still others decide to break up a family because they are selfish...it is ALL about them. Voila, my take on infidelity and am holding back. Like Kerry said; you are not happy, you do not think you can work it out....fine....end the marriage or relationship and move on. Please don't blame yourself for the lack of moral fibre of your ex spouse. Sorry if this sounds judgemental.
I agree. There should be a punishment for adultry and that in itself might be a deterrant. On the other hand, my ex, thinks he has done nothing wrong. Has no guilt, no remorse that I can see. I do know that he can feel that he has messed with the kids but he still thinks they should all be estatic for him because...look he is in lust!!
But in the end maybe he has done me a favor because really, I hope, he won't be the last man I sleep with!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
