I know. My journaling and thoughts on here on not reflective of my actions with h. I have not initiated any contact. I'm not engaging in conversations that he is probing about custody or financial issues. For New Years, I had a friend come over and we had a good time. He comes and goes and I pay no attention. I don't question his actions to him. When he is home, I stay in another room and go about my business. I'm generally happy when he's around, not sitting around and being depressed and feeling sorry for myself. It's just when I'm feeling like I am weak or feeling sorry for myself, rather than show him, I come on here to let it out so I can be stronger around him and daughter. I guess it's today's society of instant gratification that's got me... I'm not used to waiting for things! But I will do whatever I need to, and wait as long as I need to. I realized this weekend that he is not capable of communicating even over little things like taking the dog out. He is acting with no logic, no rhyme or reason, and no emotion. Now that I've come to that conclusion, it makes it easier to detach and go dark because he is not my husband, he is someone else right now, someone I don't know. There is no explaining his actions or thoughts, but sometimes it's hard to sit back and watch someone I love going through this crisis and cause such pain to me and daughter and our family, not to mention my family who we are both very close with. Anyway, I'm hoping I'm not a lost cause, I really am trying, I'm just really using this thread as a release. Thank you for the reality check. Genuinely. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond and read. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life because I am not a sit around and wait for it to happen kind of person.
