Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

I didn't mention that NYE was really nice. I did really well that night. I was so happy to be spending it with my kids and parents and good friends that care for me. It was different for me to spend it outdoors with new people, and with a big bonfire. The weather was great. Just like newmama, I made a wish for all of us here to have a better 2010.

Right now to keep my focus off WAH, I'm replying to help wanted ads hoping for a part time job soon. Just as he said, no $ for the first of the month. It may not seem like I'm not focusing on him, but I'm feeling strong about working on getting a job. Like I'm having some control over my future. Got school coming up next week and my first full marathon and my birthday end of the month. I'm going to try to plan something with my girlfriends. I'm also going to go to a parenting class tomorrow. I feel it's going to be hard to be a single mom... I pretty much have been doing it alone all their lives anyhow and it's not getting any easier.

Just keeping busy.

[Day by Day]

Just have to post here so I don't do something I shouldn't... I'm wanting to contact WAH and ask him not to treat me with hostility and see if we can start discussing the D without L first. I haven't paid the mortgage yet because he didn't give me any money. I was thinking I should give him a heads up that I haven't paid yet. ??? Maybe I'll be setting myself up for more hurt, maybe getting to discuss this civilly is needed?

I don't want to go through a hostile divorce.

[newmama]

DBD did you contact him yet? You are meeting with your L tomorrow, right? Well, here is one way to think of this...WH has always given you money to pay for the mortgage. It is his responsibility. How could he not know the mortgage is due? And even though you are looking for jobs, everyone knows most people don't find a job within a month of looking! So, you do not have any obligation to 1) let him know the mortgage is due and 2) pay it.

As for a hostile divorce, the only one being hostile is HIM. At any point IF the divorce proceedings start, then you can talk to him, right? But IMO since he hasn't given you the money, HE KNOWS you can't pay the mortgage. The bank won't foreclose on one late payment. (this is hardball)

Have you decided if you want the divorce? If not, then don't bring it up!

[Day by Day]

The only contact I made with him yesterday was about returning the kids at a certain time so I can take them to church.

I've reread this thread from the beginning and I'm realizing that I believe my M is dead. I don't think DBing was wrong, just too late. My WAH has moved on it seems.

Found it odd (not seeing hope in this) that he told S that his living sitch is not temporary anymore, but that to not say "never say never" about getting back home again. Not fair for the kids. They did lay a huge guilt trip on him this weekend about the sitch and he forced them to sleep over. They are starting to get angry and rejecting with him, but thankfully very easy going with me. I keep telling them that their happiness is most important for me and how much I love them.

I appreciate all the help I've been getting here. I think I might have needed a few more 2x4s to see that my M is dead though. He's moved on...

[chatterbug]

{{hugs}}

Your marriage is dead when you say it is dead. When your ready to move on.

No 2x4 from me DbD.

If you need the money contact him. Be business like. This amount in this amount of time.

I would also let the bank know.

[Day by Day]

Really Cutter? I've been doubting myself. Thanks.

I just can't see how to revive this M. It's like beating a dead horse. I just read your thread and I'm feeling the same I think. Don't think I could have him back. Seriously.

I did contact him today for money and of course he told me to go pack sand. I'll continue to politely ask him everyday. This is just further proof to me of what an "alien" he is.

Just continuing on with my parallel life... not even looking over to see what he's doing in his. I can't work on me if I'm looking over there. I am feeling happy thinking of just being a better me and getting on the other side of this someday.

[chatterbug]

Well DBD if he is holding out. And it is not correct. Then seek legal means. One must be responsible for their commitments. ** Yes I know what I said**

Tomorrow is another day. That is correct. Make sure your bank knows.

What happens if you do not get the money ?

What happens if you go to a lawyer ?

What happens if you just threaten ?

What happens if you tell the bank and ask for their advice?
Remember the bank wants you as a customer.

Do not doubt yourself too much.... A little doubt is good. Keeps us honest.

Your in a tought spot. I hope you can figure this out.

[Day by Day]

It isn't correct, but I am hoping he will agree to finally pay. This does not look good for him to be denying me support. Keep digging that hole...

I won't just threaten to go to a lawyer. I won't bluff. I'll go.

I just checked with the bank and there was enough in savings to cover it for this month. That's a relief, but I still have all my other expenses to pay for.

Today's request for $: WAH responded that I should have OW's xH to help me pay my bills since he's my friend!! WTH? I'm staying away from that man. I haven't responded to WAH's email.

[newmama]

He is just threatening you. Again, you should not have to pay for the mortgage alone! When will you be filing for financial support? I know I was badmouthing lawyers before but I meant if they were pressuring you to do something you didn't want to. I think it is necessary to get legal support for you to get WH to pay bills!! Arrghh!! He is being a big baby!

[Day by Day]

I know! He's having a temper tantrum. He won't get away with it much longer. He should know what position he is in. He'll have to pay me alimony and CS, so he's just looking like an @ss. He's in for a rude awakening. I'm not fearful or confused anymore. Just giving him rope to hang himself. Read cutter's quote in his tag.

Thanks newmama & cutter!