SadGirl - I have no idea if asking the children to "choose" is the way to go. I know there are many people that have far more info on this subject than I do. But I do know that pretending to be the "happy family" really gives small children a sense of false hope when they are still attempting to adjust, heal and understand.
If any parent is worried about their children being confused IMO that should be it. Having both parents attend a special event is one thing - sneaking in and out of a house to make things look "pretty" for one day is another.
