Not Me...Ever part 2

[Serenity13]

(((Kemper)))

Thank you...I think this may have been the toughest decision I have ever made however it has also brought me the most peace.

[Gardener]

Serenity,
On Saturday 1/02, I read your journal and replied:

Perhaps the strongest, gutsiest post I've ever read you (or maybe anyone else) post on this board!

For the first time in seven months of reading perhaps thousands of posts I read your journal this morning, sat here...and cried.
God bless you.

[Serenity13]

(((Gardener)))

No tears my friend....
I didn't want to make anyone sad...
I cried writing it however in my heart, I know it is the right thing to do.
He already has blessed me - In more ways then I can ever describe...
His blessings to you as well.

[Gardener]

I didn't want to make anyone sad..

You didn't sadden me. I don't know how to describe it or express it right now. But it wasn't sadness at all.
((((Serenity))))

[Serenity13]

(((Gardener)))

As long as there is no sadness

I am at peace with my decision...

I still hurt so very much but over time that will grow to something else.

I can't allow him to control me/my emotions anymore...

He will never know the extent of the damage he did by his actions and I am ok with that as well...

I can walk with my head held high knowing I did everything I could to save my marriage and if I die tomorrow, God will know I did my very best and that is the place I needed to get to.

[SpyBunny]

It sounds like the right choice. If it wasn't, you wouldn't be peaceful about it. We're all behind you.

Hugs, Bunny

[Serenity13]

(((Bunny)))

Thank you my friend for your support.

[Gardener]

(((Gardener)))

As long as there is no sadness Nope.

I am at peace with my decision...Peace. How wonderful.

I still hurt so very much but over time that will grow to something else. Yep

I can't allow him to control me/my emotions anymore...Yep. And it will take either continued effort or a single, simple, letting go and releasing it. I'm beginning to discover that the latter works quite well.

He will never know the extent of the damage he did by his actions and I am ok with that as well...
And I believe that that damage will heal - and disappear - over time until you (and I and all of us) no longer feel the extent of it. We'll just feel the strength that we gained through enduring it, prevailing, and working so very hard, selflessly - and nobly - through it.

I can walk with my head held high knowing I did everything I could to save my marriage and if I die tomorrow, God will know I did my very best and that is the place I needed to get to. Damn straight. He already knows this. Welcome to this place. I've been here only a short while. It's a pretty good place, actually. And I hear it gets better and better. Every day is a NEW day!

[Serenity13]

Gardener -

This passage was given to me sometime ago -

If you love someone you will be loyal to him no
matter what the cost.
You will always believe in him,
always expect the best of him,
and always stand your ground in defending him.

This passage is what was stopping me in my tracks.

For the first time, I realized it goes both ways.

[Gardener]

...For the first time, I realized it goes both ways.

Which is exactly what I was thinking as I read it! Glad you realized it.
Like I said last night: one person honoring a sacred vow = no vow.