Hi Trixi, I can relate to being stuck in limbo with an H that doenst know what he wants. It took my H one year after he moved out and almost 2 years into an A to feel it wasnt working out with her. Then it took him another year to figure out as he says he "wants to be with me" and only after his lies and cheating and double life was exposed. We never went dark since we have 2 small kids but we did go a few months with limited contact while he was finally living his dream with her (I didnt know then, "knew" but wasnt told", she was kept a secret from nearly everyone, I think out of embarassement). In June 2008 I was tired of limbo and felt as you, that something had to be done. He finally agreed to divorce and guess what? Nothing happened. I would have had to file, bring him the papers, pay for the costs, be aggressive about it to get it done. I was almost there, had met someone else that meant a lot to me, and could live life without him, no doubt. On the other hand, he didnt know how to live without me, just like you put it.
We are now piecing or trying to, very difficult to do, if you think limbo sucks, let me tell you, I dont compare it with reconnecting...
I think the need to do something when it becomes the need to do ANYTHING is the wrong motivation. I understand it, I lived it, I had to face the consequences.
I would suggest you relax, take the pressure off you, really detach, live as a divorced woman and when the times comes, I think you will have no second thoughts ending it. I think time is relevant thing. Dont get stuck on it. As long as you take advantage of time FOR you, it is not wasted. Just my 2 cents Stay strong my dear K
Your H sounds a lot like mine in terms of not being able to stand behind his choice. He has doubts, he is not 100% sure done.
