Before you start yelling "Give me Liberty or give me death..." like Patrick Henry I suggest you step off the soap box for a minute and take a deep breath and understand that we are all just trying to help you realize that you do come off CONTROLING and if you are like this one these boards then I'm guessing you are like that to her.
Look, my seeking advice from a L had nothing to do with controlling W or punishing W or turning things around with W.
It had everything to do with trying to protect my kids from being pulled into choices being made by W that I do not believe are in the best interest of our kids.
If I am going to be faulted for that, then I will stand guilty.
Kevin
Nobody faulted you for seeing a lawyer. In fact, it was encouraged.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Forget the fact that I am a parent and actually have an opinion on what is better for their lives. No, I am controlling. Unreal.
It is not that your thoughts for your children that are the issue, it is your reasoning that drives you that is the issue.
You should have your kids best interest in mind. Everything you do should be about you and your kids best interest.
Note that your STBXW is not in that statement. She is not your W currently, nor does she want to be, nor is she in your best interest.
However, the things she does may be in her best interest for her kids, even if they conflict with what you want. And you need to accept that.
Quote:
It had everything to do with trying to protect my kids from being pulled into choices being made by W that I do not believe are in the best interest of our kids.
If this is your reasoning above for the D, then I am sorry, but it IS about controlling or punishing your STBXW. How you can state this, and not see this, is testament to how much you need to work on yourself in this matter. Do you know the Serenity Prayer?
Does being Legally M influence at all your W's current behavior?
So why would getting a D change that?
Do you see the 'Control' issue in either of the two last statements?
"Influence"=="Control"
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
I'm not yelling. I am just frusturated because I feel like as a parent it is my responsibility to protect my kids in whatever form I can from being pulled into something that even the C agrees at this point would not be good for them.
And I feel like I am getting told that I am wrong for doing that and it is me trying to be controlling instead of actually trying to look out for my kids best interest.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You keep saying this is all about protecting your children. Protect them from what? Do you think your W's boyfriend will beat/sexually abuse, shove booze & drugs down their throat or what? If you don't have hard evidence that your W's boyfriend would do such a thing then their is NOTHING to protect them from. People get divorced, they move on and date. It is how life sometimes works out. IMO it seems your strong desire to "protect" your children stems from a fundamental difference you have with your W (you not wanting OM around, your W wanting OM around).
And, I don't know quite how to say this so I simply will be direct. You are *so* worried about protecting your kids from OM but you didn't seem to have a problem contributing to their confusion when you and your W play "happy family" on holidays and b-days so both of you can save face and indulge a fantasy for your children that most probably will not come true (mommy and daddy being together). To me that is FAR more damaging than your W and OM taking the kids bowling.
You are certainly welcome to have any belief system you want but you can't demand others adhere to that belief system in the name of "protecting" your kids.
You have asked your W NOT to involve OM with the children and she decided to go ahead and do it anyway. There is nothing more you can do about it except realize this is just another HUGE sign that there is NO marriage to "win back" or "rebuild".
You smothered your W and now you are smothering your children. Once the D proceedings are over you will be single man and your W will be a single woman and there will come a time when you both have intimate R's your children will be exposed to.
I was so pleased with you last week but now it seems you are falling back to your old ways.
Tell us what you are protecting your children from other than a very different belief system than your W has?
If this is your reasoning above for the D, then I am sorry, but it IS about controlling or punishing your STBXW. How you can state this, and not see this, is testament to how much you need to work on yourself in this matter. Do you know the Serenity Prayer?
Does being Legally M influence at all your W's current behavior?
So why would getting a D change that?
Do you see the 'Control' issue in either of the two last statements?
"Influence"=="Control"
iwantittowork,
I am going to have to disagree with you. This has absolutely nothing to do with punishing W and everything to do with keeping my kids out of this mess. I'm sorry you don't see it that way. But that is really what it is about.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 01/04/1006:57 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I'm not yelling. I am just frusturated because I feel like as a parent it is my responsibility to protect my kids in whatever form I can from being pulled into something that even the C agrees at this point would not be good for them.
And I feel like I am getting told that I am wrong for doing that and it is me trying to be controlling instead of actually trying to look out for my kids best interest.
Kevin
At what point would it be OK?
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Tell us what you are protecting your children from other than a very different belief system than your W has?
We are going to disagree here on what is best for the kids. I can accept that yall have different opinions. It doesn't change mine.
Quote:
At what point would it be OK?
The C said not until at least 6 months have passed since the D being final. They need time to process it and heal themselves. W has decided to disregrad this. I can't do anything about that. But I made my feelings known and I looked into if there was anything I could to keep my kids from having that done to them.
I don't agree that OM should have anything to do with our kids even after the D, but that is my own personal beleifs and feelings and I am well aware a judge isn't going to care. But I do not want her just bringing guys into and out of their lives and basically showing unstableness and that I was willing to look at court and custody options to try and prevent for their sake.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
