You have the advantage of knowing your H does not want to be controlled. Back off completely so that when he thinks about it, he'll see that you are not trying to control him in any way.
Your H has already given his notice on his apt, right? So all you can do right now is wait and see what he will do.
Seems like when you put less focus on the M (like you said you did over the last 6 months), H was moving closer. As soon as the questioning began, your H backed off again. Doesn't seem like he's ready for you to focus on the M, so just keep focusing on yourself.
You are definitely at the hardest part, IMO. But you've done it for this long - hang in there!
