Looking for some more help.

[TrentC]

Yeah I have both books. The thing is it seems like the longer we are apart and the longer this is taking the further apart we are growing. I don't think time is going to be my friend in this one.

It's not the time, it's the pressure to make a decision.

This...

I know it sounds stupid but I just didn't realize how important she was to me until she was gone.

...is more common than you realize. Many people are unwilling to change until a crisis motivates us to.

If you back off for a couple of days -- don't initiate R talk, don't contact unless it's business-related (bills, etc.) -- then you can slow the progress towards divorce. Read DR and try to understand what it is advising.

The important thing about DB'ing is to take the opportunity to work on positive changes for yourself. The only control you have over the relationship is yourself and your actions; if you change those, you change the relationship.

DB'ing is not a quick process. You didn't get here in a day or a week, and it'll take more than a day or a week to turn things around.

If you can get her to agree to go to counseling, look into Retrouvaille (http://retrouvaille.org/); I'm planning to go to the next session in my area.