Help, sorry I put this in a couple different forum

[MHL]

mb28,
Welcome to the forum. Thanks for the post on my thread, just caught up on yours. Let me say I think you have a lot of positive things going on in your sitch, and if you start doing the right things NOW, you will make progress but the first thing you got to know is this will take time, longer than you think.

Remember, the clock is ticking now on that time, every time we backslide and make a mistake, we kinda reset that clock back to zero. SO don't give up any more ground. I tend to look at and find the positives in my sitch and others, it helps me keep a PMA and be hopeful.

Positives in your sitch is that he is admitting to you that he feels lonely or is all alone, and he is communicating his feelings to you. This is so important. Validate his feelings, agree with him, when he says things like
"u say I can get over it but u do nothing to help all u do is push me away u r still trying to control me"
you could respond,
"I understand why you feel that way, I have been controling in the past"
then shut up let him talk, the more he shares his feelings with you the better. This is coming from a controller and I did not even realize it. It comes across in the little things we say or the way we say them.

The other positive is that he is trying to forgive you already he texted:

"I cant My heart hurts I start to forgive then u piss me off again it will never work."

Forget the "it will never work" part. Focus on the forgive part there is the positive. Watch your every word, lots of validation needed here, he is right even if at your core you feel he is wrong. Obviously you have read DR, so I assume you are a reader, try to find a book on stopping your controling behavior, I know there is one out there, I just can't think of the title right now. I can say this, the way you phrase things makes a big difference. When you communicate with him do not say things like "you need to do...." or "Just spend some time with me and...." or "What can I do to help...". You can't do anything other than let him be for now.

Hang in there, it will get better.