Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Puppy,

I really liked that boundary, and think it will do some good.

Also, I have the picture of them together that she sent me, should I include this in my letters?

Also, what should the letter include as far as content? Should I also send a copy to the Commanding Officer of the company? They have an active duty Officer who is overall in charge.

Ok, just found out there is a direct e-mail to the Officer in charge through the company web page-should I use that as well?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

This was the letter I used:

June 2, 2007



Mr. (John Doe)
Owner, (John Doe's) Gym
Mytown, Florida

Mr. Doe,

I'm not sure if you are aware or not of some very inappropriate behavior going on between one of your
employees and my wife, also your employee.

It appears that my wife, (wife's full name), and (OM's full name) are having an inappropriate relationship, an
affair, at the (local) location.

I am told that (OM) had approached my wife in an inappropriate way before she was employed by you, and in fact, he has also made untoward advances on my daughters – both members – in the past on more than one occasion.

Since you are a business owner and as such, a contributing member of the community, I am sure that you are concerned about your company's appearance and reputation in the community.

Mr. (Doe), I would ask that you either immediately transfer Mr. (OM) to another location, or terminate him, as you see
fit, so that this inappropriate behavior won't continue on your premises. If upon further investigation you find my wife to be culpable as well, I will leave that up to you. I do think that Mr. (OM) bears the greater burden here, as he is pursuing a married woman, with four children, both on your premises and on your clock, but I won't presume to tell you how to run your business.

Obviously, this is an intensely personal matter for my wife and I, and we are also discussing it at home and with our family. But since some of this contact has been happening on your premises, I thought I needed to bring it to your attention.

By the way, you may also want to consider adding a camera to that little room behind the front counter there, to your existing security system.

I am available to discuss this matter in person, or by phone during normal business hours, at 555-5555, or via e-mail if you wish. I was told that you’re in the field most days, and that e-mail was probably the best way to initially contact you.

Respectfully,


yes, I would copy the CO as well.

DISCLAIMER: I did all of the above BEFORE I retained my atty. Since you have already retained one, and since you've already been served a restraining order by your wife, I would run this by your atty first, before doing this.

Puppy

[MichelleLT]

Can't add anything to Puppy's very excellent advice.

His boundary statements are fantastic!

Hang in there.

[SoldierDad]

Ok,
woke up to these texts from my W:

Well SD, OM was told today but tht is not what was keeping me from working on this marriage i cant forget or fogive just as u cant

I replied with: please don't put words in my mouth-you don't know what I can forgive or forget

W replied with: Then its me SD i cant forgive or forget the distrust u have in me we can do this civil or not its up to u

I replied: No problem, we will continue just as if we never discussed any of that stuff. It isn't what I wanted to do, but it is your decision - you have to live with it and the outcome. I will continue my pursuit in the divorce.

It seems my W is headed back into the fog. She says she notified OM, but THAT isn't what is keeping her from working on the M - it is the distrust I have in her!!!

I just KNEW as soon as she got back to work, around her "friends" and others that this was going to happen.

Guess I get to sit back and get ready for more nonsense.

[MichelleLT]

Yeah, love how there's a lack of admitting her actions are a break in trust. Ah well lol.

You gotta feel pity for them and laugh sometimes.

She will go in and out. If you read the chapters on WASs in Michele's books, she talks about the different phases they go through and how they will take 2 steps forward and 3 back, then 3 forward and 2 back. It's a very long process.

Expect the unexpected. Expect more spew.

Stick to your guns. There will be a lot of anger in the meanwhile, she is angry you are calling her on this crap, that you keep pushing for the truth. She would much rather she could sweep all this under the rug and not face it. But her not facing her issues is what brought her to this point in her life.

She's got some very hard growing up to do. And it will take time.

Focus on you. Focus on the kids.

[SoldierDad]

Just got these back in response to mine:

Ok SD if u want be nasty then so be it wht do u want of the things we have i am doing the inventory for the attorney please let me know not sure about the house i would like to keep for the boys if u would let me if not it will be sold as is unless u can buy me out getting a new loan in ur name only

I replied: W, I will let my attorney handle all of that.

My how quickly things change when we get around our "enablers".

I am back to DB'ng.

[TrentC]

i cant forgive or forget the distrust u have in me

So it's your fault that she's untrustworthy, apparently?

[SoldierDad]

LT, honestly, she isn't going to admit to anything.

She will go through with the divorce rather than have to admit she did anything wrong.

MY W would rather LOSE everything we have, than admit she did anything wrong. It's just the way she is. I can't fix that or her.

I gotta let go and let God.

[SoldierDad]

Trent,

ya, I find it funny how she has so quickly turned around on all of this. Oh well. I guess old SD is getting divorced.

[givingitmyall]

SD,

I have been lurking today. Busy, so not much posting.

You sound good. And iit sounds like your W is up to her old ways. You know what to do.

Hang in there. We're pulling for YOU and your kids.