A bit more on the couseling session. First, she went and committed to return for more MC and IC. Over the weekend, we even had time togather that we weren't in conflict. We actually went to the bookstore alone togather to look for the book recommended by the counselor. We took the kids to a movie and I placed my hand on top of hers. She did not recoil, slap me or stomp off. I consider this encouraging. Yesterday, I paid her a sincere compliment on her appearance, gave her a hug and smiled alot.
At one point, she initiated more talk of selling the house and moving back into town. She believes the kids are stressed out because they live in the country. It was hard, but I resisted the temptation to explain that the kids are stressed because thier mother is a mess and has been checked out of the family for several months. I did not say this. Instead, I went into validation mode. She seemed to open up a bit and wanted to discuss "our" future. She frequently refered to us being able to go to dinner and do things togather if we moved back into town. I told her I was in agreement we should list the house. I explained that my reservations have not been about selling the house. She also wanted to talk about our future togather. Curiously, I notices the word "we" has returned to her vocabulary. At one point, I asked, "Are you asking me what I want?" She got immediately angry. "Of course, I care about what you want. How could you think otherwise.Do you think I am that self involved?" It was very,very hard not to jump on this with both feet. My response was, "I can see my question was upsetting to you. I should ask it another time in another." I told her that I did not see seperation as a positive good for the children.I said limbo is no place for kids. So, right now, I feel that D would be better for the kids than S. Her response, "Well, we should just take this one step at a time. We don't have to decide anything right now."
