WAH in MLC with PA

[DiamondGirl]

Yippee! Made it through the Holidays...

Thank you for pointing me to the MLC resources. They were very enlightening...

I've been working on detaching and have been a little more successful.. I didn't have the kids over New Year's and the weekend so it was hard to keep busy..

WAH apparently flew into a tantrum when SIL complained about him not doing the dishes... He called me to say he was bringing the kids home a day early. I told him he couldn't as I had plans. "Where are you going?" was his answer in a shocked/sarcastic tone (he knew I had already gone out on New Year's Eve as well). I told him that it was none of his business and that the kids were his responsibility (his weekend).

This was a 180 for me as throughout our marriage I would have changed my plans or canceled them if something came up with him that he needed to go out instead...

I came to realize this weekend that it wasn't my self esteem that was the issue - I knew I could take care of myself and my children. It was my self worth - I've never felt I deserved to be happy or put myself first. I've always thought of others first.

WAH said in the same conversation that he needed to find another place to live (SIL has been supporting him so that his pay goes entirely to me/kids for bills). I said that he couldn't afford to. He said that I shouldn't worry about him that he'd be okay. I told him I wasn't worried about him but me (another 180), as I had the house and children to think about first. He got annoyed... I don't think this was a setback as he was quite used to me putting him first in our dealings up until this point.

I'm trying to get the message through that the old but now mature me is back and wasn't going anywhere but that I was creating a life with or without him...