Did you ever see any kind of reaction out of your W when you were seeing your lady friend? If you could never pick up on anything......then she did not feel threatened at losing you to the other person.
I know it would be very hard, Stuck, but my suggestion would be to stop the family outings. She still gets to be with you and the kids every weekend, so that is filling whatever emptiness she might would have toward the "H & children" thing. See what I mean?
I agree in that this routine needs to be shanken up. She gets to live outside of the M like she wanted (even if she is not seeing anyone) and yet she still has that attachment you are giving her with the "family" unit every weekend. I believe if you stop including her in these family times and leave her out of whatever you have planned with the girls, it may shake things to the next level, IDK, but nothing is moving forward right now.
You can continue to stay in this limbo stage of S or do something that will cause her to take another look at you dropping her from your life. B/c really, you haven't done that and that is why you were not able to go farther with your friend.
Actually, I was relieved to hear that you broke it off with the friend b/c I was concerned it would have be a rebound for you.
Haven't seen you around the board as much, but I always hope that means you're GAL. You are needed here, however, whenever you have time.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
