So I've nursed her for two days, and today she starts feeling better. She has to go get a mattress for her bed (I put her in the guest room). She leaves at noon. It's now almost 7 and she's still gone. Boys want to know where she is.
She came home at 830. Boys asked her where she was, she said she was talking to a female friend she hadn't seen in awhile. Whatever. She also made references to helping her bring in the mattress she originally left for at 12 pm. I tried to stay busy and avoided a direct refusal. She brought it up herself. I then asked her if we could discuss bills. We sat down and I calmly went over the monthly outflow, and she took notes as we did some discussion of what she needs to be responsible for. She didn't seem to be too stressed about it, but it added up to almost double her take home pay monthly. Wow. Its sad, really. She also said that she got the money for the lawyer from a female friend at work she always talks about. I don't believe that. I think she got it from Mr Dbag.
Night was quiet after that. I just watched more Deadwood episodes.
She also said that she got the money for the lawyer from a female friend at work she always talks about. I don't believe that. I think she got it from Mr Dbag.
So I come home tonight after teaching a class and my wife has taken my parking spot in the garage. Whatever. I park in the street. It's snowing bad outside, and at 9:30 she says she can move my car into the driveway for me so it's safer (she had been shoveling the driveway, for some reason, so I had to park in the street).
So I go out to move it, and she's outside, smoking, and using a cell phone I've never seen before. I surprised her without her knowing, and she whirled around and hid it. I then walked up to her and said, "What are you doing?" and "Whose cell phone is that?" and she immediately went into her "Oh, I'm borrowing this from a friend" and then "It's my friend A's..." So I calmly said, "You know, you don't have to lie anymore. There's no reason for it. " She said "I know!" and I simply repeated myself, went and moved my car, locked it (I keep some stuff in there I don't want her getting a hold of), and walked in.
When she came in, I told her calmly that, now that I know she has another phone, I'm going to move ahead and cancel the one I am paying for in order to save money. She got defensive and walked out. So I waited, and then calmly (again...) asked her, "What would you like me to do? It's not cost effective for me to have to pay for a phone you obviously don't use anymore except to call me. But I need to know your new number, whenever you choose to "get" this phone as your own, so I can contact you when you have the boys or in an emergency." She said she'd take care of it the next couple of days.
Ugh. Did I handle that well? It took all my energy not to say, "Are you a flippin idiot? You can't borrow a cell phone from someone else and try it out. Only an idiot would say that with a straight face."
I texted her closest sister, who was annoyed, and said that my wife had called her parents to tell them she wouldn't have a cell phone soon because she "can't afford it." I told her sister that I think my wife is trying to play the sympathy card. "Oh woe is me, please send money, my meany of a H is making me poor."
And so it continues. Getting a consult to go on antidepressants tomorrow. The mood swings are killing me.
You did fine doc. She just doesn't want to deal with the consequences of her decisions. Be careful with her family...they may be sympathetic to you now, but she will always be their blood.
Antidepressants help a lot of people through these situations. In your place, I would keep that information from your wife. Even though it has no bearing on your stability as a father, you don't want her trying to make an issue out of it.
Has your wife always been so sneaky/manipulative, or is this a recent development?
I won't be telling my wife about my med consult. She doesn't need to know that.
She never used to be this sneaky, which is why this is so hard for me. It's like she's an alter ego, a wicked sister version of herself. She just lies like it's nothing, even when it sounds stupid or unbelievable.
Norseman, Isn't it just mind blowing to see your wife become a different person? The non-stop lies, sneakiness(especially when she is not good at it). You are right about the stupid or unbelievable, it is because they are not good at it.
