Looking for my new normal

[givingitmyall]

And I am amazed by the support I got from the guys also- Gardener, GIMA, IWITW, Trent, VH, and others. Everybody's concern got me headed in a new direction, and I am incredibly indebted to this forum- I couldn't have done this alone!

You're fortunate to be surrounded by guys here who have the same attitudes about sex and intimacy in marriage.

You deserve better than what your H is offering you. I'm confident that by this time next year, you'll be on your way towards achieving it.

I agree that you deserve better. MUCH better.

And if I did anything to help, that makes my day.

[SpyBunny]

I called and can't get into see my IC any earlier than my current appointment on 1/14. Then I'm not scheduled again until 2/4, 3/4, 3/11, 3/18 and 3/25.

I left a message asking my IC to call me- maybe we can work something out. Or I may have to find a new IC because I don't think I can wait so long in between. The MC we saw in the fall was nice, and I was pretty comfortable with him, but I need a lady counselor for some of this stuff. I don't relish starting over with someone new, though.

[SpyBunny]

For those with IC experience-

Am I OK in calling back and saying this is kind of an emergency? I'm not suicidal or anything like that, obviously, but I was raped (there, I said it) last month as a result of all this crap, and I really need some help. Does that make a difference, or am I out of luck unless I'm in danger of hurting myself? As of now, there is no sense of urgency coming from the receptionist, and I need a little urgency...

[TrentC]

Am I OK in calling back and saying this is kind of an emergency? I'm not suicidal or anything like that, obviously, but I was raped (there, I said it) last month as a result of all this crap, and I really need some help. Does that make a difference, or am I out of luck unless I'm in danger of hurting myself? As of now, there is no sense of urgency coming from the receptionist, and I need a little urgency...

I'd err on the side of urgency and tell the receptionist it's an emergency.

There's no shame in not coming forward until now. Despite popular wisdom that women file bogus rape charges all of the time, statistics show that actual rape cases are often underreported. Women don't want to hurt friends or family members, are afraid they'll be blamed for allowing it to happen, be accused of making it up, etc.

You are a good person, and you are making great strides in learning to take care of yourself.

[C-Bart]

Any luck SB? Can you find another IC? I'd be concerned if my IC couldn't make time for me in a moment of crisis - at least on the phone.

[Gardener]

Bunny,

For those with IC experience-Am I OK in calling back and saying this is kind of an emergency?

Yes! My IC (and most others) even says on his voicemail,"If this is an emergency for you, first state the nature of the emergency and then call (private cell#)"

...but I was raped (there, I said it) last month as a result of all this crap, and I really need some help.

Go to the Police. First go to a battered/etc. Women's Service. They know the ropes and procedures and will guide you (and probably accompany you) through it.

Does that make a difference, or am I out of luck unless I'm in danger of hurting myself? As of now, there is no sense of urgency coming from the receptionist, and I need a little urgency...

Unless you are a client that your IC knows tends to cry Wolf and exaggerate (which you are not), it makes no difference. You know what constitutes an emergency for you. Keep calling, keep insisting. Give that receptionist a piece of your mind and a bit of Hell! Go to her office unannounced if you have to. You are her client/customer. You pay her. Demand response!
Repeat: Go to the Police. First go to a battered/etc. Women's Service.

[soleil]

Spy, I am very sorry to hear what you went through and you are getting good advice here. You should definitely file a reprot.

Call the IC and tell them it's an emergency. If they can't fit you in, it would do good to call another counselor who can see you sooner. The faster the better, chica.

[SpyBunny]

I called with the additional detail. She called back within an hour and we had a 20 minute or so phone session which should tide me over until next Thursday. It went well, I told her everything, all the details. She was afraid of something like this happening. She also said the same thing you all said, I need to treat this like an addiction, and that I'm doing what's in a weird way "normal" and familiar for me. I have to learn new behaviors to break the cycle and start making new connections in my brain, namely that I don't need to sleep with anyone to feel validated or receive approval or love. Now that I've told her, I'm accountable to someone IRL, and she's my sponsor and I call her when I start feeling drawn to this stuff again. And she agreed- H did a bigger number on my mind than we gave him credit for originally.

I decided I'm not filing any reports- I don't know the guy's last name or anything, so it wouldn't do much good, and big city PD isn't going to be very active in a date-rape type scenario anyways. So I'm letting it go legally, the bigger issue for me is to figure out how I got myself into that situation and to process the emotions that go with it.

On a positive note- dance class starts tomorrow!

[TrentC]

She also said the same thing you all said, I need to treat this like an addiction, and that I'm doing what's in a weird way "normal" and familiar for me. I have to learn new behaviors to break the cycle and start making new connections in my brain, namely that I don't need to sleep with anyone to feel validated or receive approval or love. Now that I've told her, I'm accountable to someone IRL, and she's my sponsor and I call her when I start feeling drawn to this stuff again. And she agreed- H did a bigger number on my mind than we gave him credit for originally.

[...]

So I'm letting it go legally, the bigger issue for me is to figure out how I got myself into that situation and to process the emotions that go with it.

And you wonder why we all think you are so great for working through this all!

[Lotus]

My thoughts are with you, Bunny.