Tonight, W got an email from the mother of a little girl D6 was supposed to play with tomorrow. The little girl has a fever, so tomorrow isn't happening.
My D was inconsolable. Cried nearly uncontrollably.
And in the middle of this, I am fighting back the lump in my throat b/c I realize this is what it's going to be like when SHE tells the kids we are getting D'd. And I can't protect them from this. And then, I'm angry b/c, dammit, it doesn't have to be this way. But, I can't decide that anymore than I can protect the kids for what's coming.
Damn.
I'm not sad for myself any more. I'm just angry she will do this to the kids without so much as lifting a finger to work on the M.
I came back to my room and went through in my mind some of the things she has compared me to and said about me to her friends and me. And, I stopped in mid thought and asked myself, why do I want to be with her? Other than keeping our family intact, I have no answer.
