I can't believe how depressed a person can get when they are left. I never thought I would need to go to a Dr. or medication or be suffering emotionally like this. Everyone use to tell me how strong I was, well I'm not anymore. Just praying this med works for me, so I can be the person I use to be.
I can certainly relate to the depression issue. That was one of my king mistakes in my MR. When (x)W's mother passed and shortly after that our long awaited daughter not making it, (x)W went on a slow tailspin I didn't pick up on. Her life became all about her.
This left me to feel rejected, worthless, and all that jazz. I was used to it, got it from my 'parents' too. So, I shut down and didn't realize how bad things really were getting. (x)W had asked several times I try AD's, but I wanted no part of them. I'm opposed to them personally, for others thay may be neccessary. If I had to do it all over again, I might, but, I made it through this so far without, so that's my stance. That said, I can't vouch for how one refusing to take them anymore would effect their stability in their M, but can only assume it does especially after extended use.
Of course your H blames you solely for the M problems, he will re-write every bit of history just to do that to. It's all part of the 'script' they live by. However, we are all guilty of fading out of our M's all of us, so what is it he says may have some thruth in it?
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I used anti depressants for months. I am no longer on them and don't need them anymore. But they sure helped me when I was at my weakest. There is some truth to having some funny effects when coming off of them. But they weren't really the horror stories for me that I have read about for others. I focus now without them and can function now. But for a long time I couldn't until I got on them and was able to adjust to my situation.
If you need them, that isn't a horrible thing. You have a lot of emotions you are going through. And you will eventually feel good enough to come off of them and function again.
Another day closer to the rememberence and celebration of the birth of our Lord.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
I've been a mess with the depression over the separation. I just don't understand why I feel so alone and sad. I use to be the strong one and now I'm failing fast. That's why I haven't even been on here. I made a mistake by telling H about not even giving my S19 a card for Christmas and we got into it big time. Remember he raised him.
It happened 2 days after Christmas when he brought D13 home from his house and she came in and ran upstairs with her presents so my son wouldn't see them. And now I haven't heard from him since last Monday.
I don't know where to go from here. I texted him and told him that I will not bother him anymore and that I was sorry for getting upset and if he wants to call or text he can. Did I do the wrong thing? I'm so messed up. They changed my antidepressants to try to make me feel better but I don't yet and all I do is cry anymore.
dday, how did you get past all of the depression and your ex blaming you for everything that went wrong?
I'm an analytical thinker. So, when I could finally set my emotions aside (and listen to others), I just picked it all apart. Searched for the truth, if any in the accusation, and either reasonsed, yes I was wrong on the aspect or is the accusation completely ludicris. In the end, there is validity to what the WAS is saying, but a lot of it becomes a fish story of sorts and that's the part that you need to dispense of.
Then you realise, there isn't much to be depressed about. I mean, yeah they're gone, that's enough on it's own, but it's a lot easier when you can look in the mirror and know YOU single handedly are not to blame and You know that accusations of you are either true or false and to what extent.
I'm not sure I follow on what happened with S19. You didn't get him a card?
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
H didn't even get S19 a card, so I texted him and asked why and how can he do that to a child he raised? H said I texted him a Merry Christmas but my son texted him first in the morning and H waited until 7 at night. H said and I quote "I knew this would start." Well, what did he think was going to happen? I mean you claimed he was your child too for 13yrs. and then not only did he leave me and D13 but he left S19 that only knew him as his dad.
So now I don't know where to go from here. I'm a mess, he told me to leave him alone about this stuff. Our D13 says he goes from being nice to being mean when she is with him. Don't know if it is a MLC or depression or what. All I know is that I don't know who he is and I want my old H back so badly. So I guess I messed up by telling him about not getting S19 even a card right? Should have zipped my lips. I just can't stand to watch any of my children hurt and I knew this would hurt S19 and it did. Our D13 ran inside with her presents and went and hid them so son wouldn't know he got her presents and not him.
I don't know if H is trying to hurt me or my son. He knows how I feel when he does this kind of stuff. Where do I go from here? Please help.
Sorry to say, but I can't stress enough how much communication gone awry really messes things up.
Understandable that you were upset that S19 was upset with your H's lack of conciderateness, but yes, the message sent, did not help. A message such as that to me just paints the picture that the relation between you all is a hostile enviornment and especially to a WAS an enviorment they would not want to return to weither or not they realize their part in creating it. This is highlighted by his comment "I knew this would start" which is his way of saying, 'nothing has changed, why bother?'
If given the chance to do over, I would have done something along the lines of 'helping' H through the situation, such as one message "Did you send S19 a card and we didn't happen to receive it yet?" and let H respond. He may opt to take care of it on his own. If not, let him know you'll handle it for him. This would be a more crafty approach to say to your H, yeah, ya messed up, but we're a team and promote a warmer atmosphere. In their own way, the WAS knows their wrongs, it's just wither thye chose to accept them or not at this moment in time.
edit - point being, there are ways to show/tell your H he's hurting you all, but proper communication is so critical to everything.
Last edited by dday101798; 01/05/1002:15 PM.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
