Soaring Solo 2010

[antlers]

I posted this over at Newcomers earlier, but I think it really belongs in my new home.

Let's see...Think I'll hang it up right here where I'll be sure to always see it.
There.
Perfect!

Beginning to feel like home already

I'm with ya, G-Woman,

I love those kids. Period. With all my heart. I am not taking it personally.

This year I fight back with all my strength against negativity, victimhood and feeling sorry for myself. I tend toward that automatically in hard times. What - WHAT - has it ever gotten me? Nothing. Just self-increased pain.

This year everything - everything - will be viewed in a positive, I-am-blessed-in-countless-ways spirit of abundance. It will take time to buck a lifetime of habit, But I will get there. Have already consciously started to make the effort to be aware of the automatic and incessant pervasiveness of this negativity in my mind during rough patches, answering it immediately with its diametrically-opposed opposite in thoughts. I started Friday 1/01/10 (okay, except for that painful email from Step-D. But I - and you guys - got me past that fast).

And I'm going all-out and balls-out on this.

Even little things that would make me funky and p!ssy, I look at them and make it a point to laugh - out loud; it helps -at how pettily ludicrous they are. All of them. They amount to little more than tiny bits and moments of life wasted or spent wrongheadedly. It's starting to work. Slowly, but it's started. I've started. I even put a rubber band on my wrist for the old aversion therapy ouch-snapping!

And all of this as the result of this year of pain. Most of it very real, but much of it self-inflicted, wallowed in, and hence, magnified needlessly

And I have all of you to thank for much of this: your inspiration, strength, courage, decency, honesty, caring, sharing, courage, eye-opening, painful inner-most sharing. insights and 2x4's.

I interrupted this post for a while when S,33 just called from Colorado. We talked for an hour and a half. He's known of my struggles for reconciliation, becoming the best me I can - for me, and detachment. I told him last month I've reached acceptance. He asked me just now, "where are you today?" Without blinking or thinking,it just came out: "Billy, I'm happy."

I may seem to be waxing philosophic, here, but I am serious and determined.
My inner self-talk and outward-looking are getting a serious makeover this year.

Life is good. Even when it sucks.

_____________________

Hi Gardener.

Sorry you're here, but since your situation is what it is...I'm glad you're here. I can relate to what you're saying in the highlighted post above. I wish it hadn't taken her leaving for me to become a better person...but it did, and I am. I hope we all can be supportive and helpful to one another here.