Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[MichelleLT]

Even though she lies to me, I let her off the hook, by not calling her on her lies.

Throwing them back in her face will just make her defensive. So, how can you call her on it so she will hear you? Can you even at this point (at some point in the future when she's had more time to process, you will be able to)?

I am vulnerable to what she says/does.

You CHOOSE to be vulnerable. You keep expecting her to go back to the person you married overnight. She can't and won't. She has work to do, lots of it. It will take time.

I don't value myself enough to D my W.

I would change this to setting better boundaries. D by itself does not make for better boundaries. You WILL be stuck with her the REST OF YOUR LIFE because you have children together. She is their mother, regardless of whether she is your wife.