Snodderly-Thank you for your response and trust me, I hear what you say. I just can't express how difficult this is. I am so torn. If I knew it would only be another 3-6 months for my H to come home, I would be willing to accept that but there are no guarantees he won't come up with a whole new set of issues that will keep him away. If he still were confused about how he felt about me, then I could clearly see that I had no option but to be patient if I still had hopes of working things out. He admits he loves me and wants to be with me, so why is he so afraid of making the next logical step? It is frustrating and disappointing to me that does have the guts to make that step and there is a part of me that thinks he is actually going to have to lose me to see things clearer.
My H talks about how he has let women control him all of his life and he doesn't want that to happen again. Since my H has had total control over the last 3 years, he doesn't want to give that up. I can't go on not having any control. So here we are.
I do see exactly what you mean about him digging in his heals if he feels me push. I don't want to push him and I know it doesn't help. I just can't stop myself sometimes because the running and hiding has gotten so old. How someone can realize that they love another person and want to be with the other person but they can't let their walls down enough to let the person that the love in?
I have backed off and will continue to but I don't know to what degree yet. I'm not sure I want to take his call, if he calls. I am still considering the MC option.
kickme-Thanks for you support. You are so right about my H wanting me for the security of a "mommy"/wife/home all the while he has no committment of a real husband. I sometimes wonder if he needs to "lose" that before he will come to truly appreciate it but I hear what snodderly is saying too. It is all so confusing. As far as the 20% of my H that isn't sure about the M, he has said in not so few words that he has issues of control. I've tried to explain that we need to try to find new ways of dealing with things so that we can be together and both be happy. He agrees but isn't ready to go there.
