I would agree with snodderly...while you have had a relationship that is probably to YOU like a marriage the fact is you did not get married and he bailed...there is a blessing in this...better to find out now what he is made of then to actually get married and find out (costs money to split up then)...
If this is a sign of how is actions are in your relationship you might be better off cutting your losses...if that is not an option for you at this point...then do as snodderly suggested...move on with your life and if he returns you can decide where you want to go from there...
My personal feeling on this...he wasn't serious and is playing games...without having any kind of history about you both I wouldn't know if this is a pattern with him from past relationships or even with you...but that fact that he finds it so easy to stay distant from you tells me he has not attachment...and really you need to ask yourself..."How attractive is it form me to be waiting for someone who isn't married to me and bailed on me suddenly?"
I would start reassessing this whole relationship, but that is me personally.
Snod, ok, I am a strong person but this has devastated me. I truly found my "partner"...
Do you think from my post that he is in MLC...it was just so weird. No other woman until 7 weeks after he left and then it was platonic (think there may be some libido issues) because she was 59 and he is 49. Yes, I do know there was no physical affair because she is a friend of a client. Now the woman he has been seeing for the last three weeks is also older and I do defintely think it is sexual because she is well, a tramp, and I think that makes him feel better about himself and libido; I also think that is why I haven't heard from him.
As I stated we had some really deep, open talks, several hours each time about his anger, possible depression and I think I hit too close to him and it scared him away and haven't heard from him since.
He is an egineer (possibly being laid off after 23 years) and mows commercial lawns on the side (21 a week), he has completely let most of his lawn customers slide in the last two months, not doing anything, he is still (I think) living a room of someone's house and has had vbery little contact with "our" friends. I feel like he is running from responsibility as well as everything else.
I know I can't help him but 4 months into this and I still can't seem to get over it.
I do have three men who have asked me out. One of them I have known for many years. Any thoughts on that? This man adored me, I know that, no big problems in the relationship, I do not want to give up on him but know that I need to move on.
I mainly wanted your thoughts too, on if you did think it was MLC.
I am just still so confused..
M 44 H 49 Together 8 years Engaged 1 year Left 08/09 Havingfaith
He told me two weeks into he felt more married to me than had his ex wife (16 years marriage). I too was married 16 years the first time.
His mother was in/out of hospital in spring for depression. August 09- son having emotional problems over divorce, told he might lose his job, his daughter left for college and he buried two close friends. In addition I got out of control one night over something very silly (too much wine??) and the next weekend he bailed. I truly believe that with his engineering job, 21 yards he mows a week, the stress from the job, family, getting ready to be 50 and the fight just snapped him.
I do not want to give up him or us. We truly had a fantastic relationship. I think the month of August had us both on edge with what was happening.
He proposed to me June 08 in front of 36 of our friends and I had put the wedding off because of his job situation (I am self employed) and didn't want to add any more stress to him. I see myself more at fault in a lot of not communicating than him.
M 44 H 49 Together 8 years Engaged 1 year Left 08/09 Havingfaith
Molly, Some of the symptoms could be MLC, but I personally think the man got cold feet about being married again. Whatever the reason, you need to let him go.
As for dating, you are a single woman are you not? Then go out and have some fun, hook up w/the gentleman that you've known for a very long time. You must might discover that the man you do not want to give up on isn't the only fish in the sea.
As for the runaway groom....let him go....if it was meant to be that you and he are to become one, God will determine if and win that will happen. In the meantime, live your life to the fullest.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Okay...let's just suppose we can label this MLC...now what...does that change anything for you? MLC can run a course of 7 years...my H's was 6 years...Do you really want to wait that long for someone you are not married to?...someone that you don't have children with?...in my opinion it would make you look needy and pathetic to wait for someone who has no commitment to you...
Now had you been married...had you had a very long history (most states don't consider anything less then 10 years to be long)and possible children involved then it might make sense to wait this out...but I am inclined to ask why would you wait for someone who bailed so abruptly on you and has made no effort to reconcile in months??? And you were not even married to begin with...
Bow out gracefully and move on...like I said if he comes to his senses and you have not been snatched up by another knight in shining armor riding a white horse then you can think about it...but personally, if he bolted so easily I would be inclined to let him go...cie la vie!
