WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

I am entering the new year at peace - moreso than I have felt in a long time (maybe ever?). This year has been a tremendous year of personal growth for myself. I am forever changed for the better and looking forward to life in the years ahead. If my M ends it will be unfortunate but I know the future holds great promise for me. I feel like I have many gifts to share with the world and others around me and will move on in life.

I am looking forward to starting my new job and starting in a new direction after recharging my batteries for over a year since I took my current 'easy' job after losing my previous one. I took the easy job also because of the bomb being dropped and it took me a long time to dig out mentally/emotionally to a point where I was ready to be fully productive and engaged in work again. I am there now and making career decisions based upon opportunity and growth like I used to before. It is a part of me that was lost and I now have it back.

WAW is still 'separated' from me but she seems to be more at peace lately as well. The tension level since XMas is down a lot it feels like. We are having normal conversations again, for now.

I am very indifferent about my WAW these days. If she is not around it is kind of nice. IF she is around I don't pay much attention to her but am polite.

Not sure what the overall fallout was from me contacting OM's quasi-GF outside of the few things W said to me about it, but I think it might have caused a shift in one way or another with both W and OM. I get the feeling that after an initial flurry of communicaiton and bellyaching over this it might have created distance afterward - just my gut feeling. It represents one of the final 'do something different' things that was on my list and the added exposure can't hurt in the long run I figure. OM knows I have no respect for him and am willing to invade his life just like he has mine and W knows I am willing to do things to stand up for my family. I haven't regretted contacting her once, not even for a second, so it must have been the right thing to do.

W seems to be on better terms with her family. MIL 'affirmed' her feelings about being unhappy in her M instead of browbeating her because she won't work on it and it probably helped calm things down. She was livid at XMAS over her grandmother's icy treatment of her but has been better with her family since.

We went to SILs on New Year's Eve. W never questioned whether or not I should go - last year I didn't go because we were having a big argument around that time (this was when OM/EA was in full swing but I didn't have all details).
Amazing to think this has been going on for over a year.

Limbo continues but at a less stressful pace. I won't put up with it forever obviously and am getting ready to take the next step to break out of it (tell her I want a D). I want to get moving with the new job this month and see where things go.