Her fantasy is that I divorce her, give her full custody of the kids, she lives in an expensive gated community without any change in her lifestyle $$ and without me.
Welcome to the club.
Your job is to pop those fantasy bubbles little by little by calmly telling and showing her what the reality of post-D life will look like. As you pop them, she's going to be angry and tell you you are being unfair and unreasonable. And that will be the sign you are on the right track.
HER decision, but you help bring the reality to her in the way of real consequences.
