I do try to remember these experiences are normal given my sitch. H sometimes has a hard time with it though. Most of the time he is very reassuring and responsive. Last night we tried to watch another movie with an A in the plot line. Have you noticed how many movies have that as part of their plot? I never did before. Anyway... I started to get triggered again... this time even with some physical responses, which I haven't had in weeks (after the PA bomb I would get the shakes sometimes and not be able to control it at all). H was very good about it, shut the movie off, distracted me with other things, was gentle and loving and reassuring.
But, other times he gets really frustrated with my triggers. The other day his phone kept beeping that he was getting text messages. I got edgey about it and he said that makes him angry... that I know he TM's with a lot of people and that he has had NC with her now since the end of Nov. But, I find if I can stay calm and tell him my feelings are common and not necessarily logical all the time... it does seem to help. I am still going to get a copy of After the Affair which I think will help him understand what I am going through.
H took S15 to volleyball practice today in the city. In the spring, this was one of the times H and OW would connect, as she lives in the city (we live in a small town). I was going to come along, but it didn't work out practically as I need to drive D13 somewhere else today. H could see this was hard for me, and he was very loving and reassuring. I am trying to let it go. We have to get back to "normal" life... I can't be with him all the time. But he also knows it can't be "normal" either for a long time... re-earning trust is a long process.
That's why my thread is "one day at a time..."
Cutter, thanks for sharing a dream that you had. I keep having them and they are quite vivid! Even though you know it was just a dream, it triggers such real and such intense emotions that it is hard to shake off. I have gotten out of the habit of using my relaxation and grounding exercises from IC. I need to get back to that.
Back to work tomorrow, for both of us.
I am debating what is better for me... to clean this cluttered house before the crazy week starts or to rest. Since going back to work my sleep patterns have been completely disrupted again. I'm exhuasted, but also hate the disorganization of the house right now.... *sigh*
