Glad to hear you had a good time with the family last night.
I am a veteran of the bad dreams about OW. I can tell you that in my sitch they have gone away now (of course as soon as I say that I'll have another one!). I told BF about it and both of us reminded me that it was just a bad dream. Just try to focus on a happy time when that happens.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Thanks Pearl, I would guess it must be prety common for us LBS's. I did tell H about it this morning and he was very reassuring about it. We also had a good talk this afternoon when kids were out with friends. I was able to talk about some of my fears (which the dream brought out)and he was also very reassuring. Feeling better now... I am getting better at "shifting gears" when these things happen...
Rocked, what an awesome thing for your H to bring up last night... I'm so happy for you. What a way to start the New Year!!! Are you off work until Monday???
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Those triggers will pop up for a long time to come. Ya just have to know they're coming and get through them.
Case in point. I posted about this on my thread, but W and I had an excellent NYE. Yesterday morning W is getting a lighter out for a smoke and finds a book of matches that I'm sure OM gave her. She read the cover to me and said "someone must have given these to me" as she's never been to the city where they were from. I just looked at her with a "do ya think" look and she recognized it pretty quickly and got rid of the matches. Nice trigger for me after a GREAT night.
But I decided I wasn't going to let it F up a great weekend so I powered through the trigger and we ended up having a very nice day. I thought to myself, 'she really didn't do it on purpose and recognized it pretty quickly, so let it go' and I did and we ended up having a very nice day.
Keep up the good work Rocked. It'll be a minefield for a while, but you guys are headed in the right direction.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
That is a helpful perspective. Thank you also for sharing your own experience. I know there are times I just need to choose to push through the feelings and make a decision not to let it be a big deal. And, I know you are right tha there will be plenty more to come... it's just the reality I have to accept. But, yes... we are going in the right direction and that is what is important.
Hi, lurker here - but I try relaxation exercises when I get those triggers. Take a walk, take a bath, count backwards from ten to one, listen to quiet music - whatever calms me down. And remember you aren't alone, we all get those triggers. hang in there, glad things are going well. Focus on the positive!
rdw. I had this bizzare dream a few days ago. ladybug comes up to me and shows me my camera. So I look at it. And turn it over and preview the pictures on the back. And its of her life with OM. Hundreds of pictures. I can still remember a few of them. I woke up at 2Am on that one and did not fall back to sleep. A horrible trigger. I did the relax exercise during the day ( 10 times ) to get through it. I did the count exercise. That one worked as it is very simple and repeative.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
The triggers will be there for a long time to come but will decrease with time. The positive thing is that you are able to talk to your H about your fears and he has offered you reassurance. This is progress!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I do try to remember these experiences are normal given my sitch. H sometimes has a hard time with it though. Most of the time he is very reassuring and responsive. Last night we tried to watch another movie with an A in the plot line. Have you noticed how many movies have that as part of their plot? I never did before. Anyway... I started to get triggered again... this time even with some physical responses, which I haven't had in weeks (after the PA bomb I would get the shakes sometimes and not be able to control it at all). H was very good about it, shut the movie off, distracted me with other things, was gentle and loving and reassuring.
But, other times he gets really frustrated with my triggers. The other day his phone kept beeping that he was getting text messages. I got edgey about it and he said that makes him angry... that I know he TM's with a lot of people and that he has had NC with her now since the end of Nov. But, I find if I can stay calm and tell him my feelings are common and not necessarily logical all the time... it does seem to help. I am still going to get a copy of After the Affair which I think will help him understand what I am going through.
H took S15 to volleyball practice today in the city. In the spring, this was one of the times H and OW would connect, as she lives in the city (we live in a small town). I was going to come along, but it didn't work out practically as I need to drive D13 somewhere else today. H could see this was hard for me, and he was very loving and reassuring. I am trying to let it go. We have to get back to "normal" life... I can't be with him all the time. But he also knows it can't be "normal" either for a long time... re-earning trust is a long process.
That's why my thread is "one day at a time..."
Cutter, thanks for sharing a dream that you had. I keep having them and they are quite vivid! Even though you know it was just a dream, it triggers such real and such intense emotions that it is hard to shake off. I have gotten out of the habit of using my relaxation and grounding exercises from IC. I need to get back to that.
Back to work tomorrow, for both of us.
I am debating what is better for me... to clean this cluttered house before the crazy week starts or to rest. Since going back to work my sleep patterns have been completely disrupted again. I'm exhuasted, but also hate the disorganization of the house right now.... *sigh*
