She's mindreading you. Don't let her do this. Next time, "W, you are trying to tell me what I'm thinking - Don't. If you want to know what I'm thinking, just ask."
And $ is a consequence of her decision. Next time: "W, I'm sorry you feel that way. That is not true." Then the comment about mindreading.
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
I did it. I stayed away from working until this very moment. I am only here b/c I went "out" this evening.
I showered and put on the new clothes that I had bought the day before. I was looking good. Wore cologne (180) and told her that I was going out.
When I left W asked if what we had agreed to prior to trip to FL was still in place about not dating other people (guess I got her attention). Told her that we would need to have another conv if that were to occur. Before I left for FL and found this wonderful site that no one wants to be, I asked if we could agree to no dating until things settled. (A BIG moment of weakness) I then just went out to get a bite to eat and stopped by work to use the internet in peace.
Not a true GAL outing but it is a baby step!
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
When I left W asked if what we had agreed to prior to trip to FL was still in place about not dating other people (guess I got her attention). Told her that we would need to have another conv if that were to occur. Before I left for FL and found this wonderful site that no one wants to be, I asked if we could agree to no dating until things settled. (A BIG moment of weakness) I then just went out to get a bite to eat and stopped by work to use the internet in peace.
Not a true GAL outing but it is a baby step!
My opinion, she is/will be wondering where you are going... Look at it from her perspective, she doesn't know you just went for a bite and surfing the net. She probably is thinking the worst scenario.. human nature when you are insecure..
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
Upon returning home last night my W wants to talk about guidelines for how our R is going to go from here. She wants clear explanations of how different things are going to work around the house.(i.e. bills, housework, taking care of S3, etc.) I feel that she wants this b/c her world is spinning. I have delayed for now by validating her feelings and saying I needed time to think about it. I feel that she is looking for ways to control the sitch. Any ideas on keeping the sitch fuzzy?
Or am I off base? Just tell me. Thanks.
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
Oh I forgot to mention that when I got home last night the book "5 Languages of Love" was on my pillow. I just moved it over to the night stand. She saved me from having to go and buy it.
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
When I left the house this morning, she asked what the smell in our bedroom was. I said cologne. She asked what's it called. When I came home today she had her face all made up and she said she only went to the grocery store w/ S3. She is noticing the changes. She keeps testing me about talking about R. I am continuing to listen and validate and keep my eyes open and my mouth shut. (Thanks OldPilot)
I'll ask again:
She wants clear explanations of how different things are going to work around the house.(i.e. bills, housework, taking care of S3, etc.) I feel that she wants this b/c her world is spinning. I have delayed for now by validating her feelings and saying I needed time to think about it. I feel that she is looking for ways to control the sitch. Any ideas on keeping the sitch fuzzy?
Or am I off base? Just tell me. Thanks.
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
She wants clear explanations of how different things are going to work around the house.(i.e. bills, housework, taking care of S3, etc.) I feel that she wants this b/c her world is spinning. I have delayed for now by validating her feelings and saying I needed time to think about it. I feel that she is looking for ways to control the sitch. Any ideas on keeping the sitch fuzzy?
Will,
Can you explain this a little more? I'm not clear on what she wants to know. Is she asking to take those things over or give to you (hoping you will do them? Who did them in the past?
She wants to have the immediate future better defined for her sanity. She wants the roles defined.(what we will do, how we will act) I think b/c she is not used to me being confident. She did not bring it up tonight though. She normally needs to have a plan of how to continue.
She was acting strange tonight. I made the decision to come home from work a little early. (20 min) I made dinner (normal) cleaned up the kitchen (180) and W got son ready for bed. After he was asleep she came over to the couch and gave me a kiss. This is the first time she made an affectionate gesture in months. She noticed that while she was away I took some construction trash to the landfill that has been sitting for months. She said that she wanted to ML. I had told her last night that I thought it was best if we refrained from ML for a while and that I was still trying to sort out my feelings. I have always been the one to initiate ML.(180?)
Can change happen this fast?
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
