What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[Sleepy]

Last night I was on call and was up all night. I had the opportunity to read and get to know some of you who had commented on my thread and get to know your sitches. I feel more connected to all of you now and I gained more self confidence and power by reading.

When I pray to God I ask Him for guidance. He has lead me here, to all of you.

I made a comment on Junco’s thread about exposing an affair. My W lead me to believe that it was the wrong thing to do and things would have worked out if I hadn’t. She brainwashes me by telling me that everything is my fault. Cutterbug chimed in and told me that exposing it was the right thing to do; Let her live with her guilt and cheating and expose her for what she really is. I didn’t do it to be vindictive or ruin her reputation, it just happened via careless whispers.

I have had the opportunity many times to stray. Secret admirers have sent me e-mails asking me to meet them somewhere, nurses have asked me out. I have received many temptations as a married man. Last night a nurse gave me her cell phone number. I never thought that my wife was one of those women. She said that she initiated the phone call to the OM to get this all started and then claims that I “opened the can of worms”. I resisted all that temptation and stayed faithful even though my marriage wasn’t that great. I felt that affairs were selfish and I would be hurting not just my wife but my children and my entire family.

I remember being moved by by a movie I saw a few years back called “The Family Man” with Nicolas Cage. He was hit in the head by a 2x4 and saw life for what it really was. There was a quote in the movie that I remembered “ once you make a deposit at the bank of infidelity you can’t cash out.” That is so true. I tried to make some changes after seeing it but they didn’t stick. My W needed to change too. I needed my own 2x4. I’m sure she has made efforts and I didn’t reciprocate and I made efforts and she didn’t reciprocate. We have never worked on the R together at the same time.

I was up all night and things started to die down at 6 am. In the past, I would have just gone to the call room and slept. But this morning I decided to do something different. I went home. When I drove into the garage, I got out of the car and my wife came downstairs in a panic. She seemed flustered. “You scared me. I didn’t think you would be home until 7”. She said that her heart was racing. I thought that’s odd?

I went inside and found all the lights and TV on. My daughter had some friends over for the night and they all had fallen to sleep on the couch. I thought “ What in the heck?” My wife is usually on top of this and it was totally out of character.

I went back up to her room and asked her what was going on and told her what I found. As I walked out I opened the bathroom door which was closed and just looked in. She took offense to that. I just walked out turned all the lights and TV off then went to bed.

I woke up at 11 am and my W came in the room explaining the situation. She demanded an apology from me. I was tired and didn’t feel like talking to her. I said both of us have trust issues. She said “I don’t have any trust issues,you do! ” I wasn’t going to apologize to her. I told her that she was acting weird. I just wondered why. She said “this is never going to work”

I walked away and almost asked her that we should go to the Retro weekend but I stopped. She followed me around asking me “what?” again and again.

I finally used the method to ask a spouse to counseling from the DB quotes R2C started. She said “I’m not going to that....That’s a Catholic seminar for those who want to save their marriage!”

I said “OK” and walked out. She followed me saying “ If you wouldn’t have kicked me out of our bed, I would have been able to stop those kids last night” I told her that I didn’t kick her out. She made the choice to leave. You can move back whenever you want. She replied “ When hell freezes over”........Man that hurt. I didn’t respond I just walked .

She has two friends. That's her only support group. Both of them think she is crazy. She says that there isn’t another man. She desperately wants to prove to me that this M is ending because of me. I just can’t believe it. I’m the only one trying to save it.