Oh Gardener, that sucks and you don't deserve it! Sorry to hear that.
You asked the million dollar question with this one - How does a person simply discard a loved one?
Anyway, best wishes to you for 2010! I have a feeling you are going to continue to grow and heal and to be happy as a lark! That's what you deserve! : )
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
I wish you were closer and we could go and hang out & have coffee...
You are such a wonderful person and I know that deep down inside you know that...
I know it hurts to your very soul to be disgarded like yesterdays trash - It flat out sucks...
But no matter what, remember this - You aren't trash, you didn't deserve to be treated like you were...
4luv posted something to me tonight that made me stop in my tracks and helped me to breathe a little easier - I hope it does the same for you...
Originally Posted By: 4luv
God has already worked out everything for you. We all have to remember that. What the devil meant for bad, God meant for good. You can't see the end of this but He is preparing you for a blessing that you can't even dream of. Every time I have gone through a big test, I look back and then see what God has really gotten me through and where I end up after the test. It is always something better than I could've imagined. The great thing about it is that God tests us like this sometimes to remind us of how great and awesome He is. God loves you and he has your back. When you can't stand or feel like you are suffocating, just be still and remember that God is the GREAT I AM. Just stand on Him when you can't move or don't know which way to turn.
Now read it again and remember there is someone thinking of you tonight (a lot of someones) and wishing you nothing but happiness and peace.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Lurker here - but have read a lot of your really good posts, G. I'm so sorry for the losses. It's a challenge but it's about them, not you. You must remember perhaps they are all in a fog! As long as you know you are a good person, and you know you did nothing wrong, then the rejection IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Perhaps they are defending your STBXW I don't know bc I don't know your sitch. But now is the time for self love - you are a good person and deserve better.
Keep the positive thoughts going. Bad ones make the mind slide into very murky mucky places.
Your stepchildren are adults. Your stepchildren now come from two divorced families. They all have their own stuff to work out.
In my case, family.. the former spouse's family.. were very important to me. However, I told them I understood how important family was and that I wasn't going to walk on anyone's toes. It was hard but I left the door open to see what if anything would happen.
A year down the road, their brother/son has blown them off although he insisted I have no part in their lives. They made their own choices. Now Thanksgiving and Christmas include all the nieces and nephews and I'll always be their aunt.
G'Man. You are and were their parent during formative years. That will never be taken away. Love and acceptance ... no need to grovel. If it's there, it will be there when the dust settles. I know I'm a great friend.. but when someone I was sorta close to went through a very weird divorce, I didn't know how to be there for her. No one is perfect. Everyone tries their best with what they have.
No need to judge, feel hurt, discarded or lost. Not only is this a great time of growth for you, but for those around you.
Respect the stepdaughter's wishes and don't contact her, period. Contact the others only if and when they contact you. They will know how you're doing through your son. They care but their own struggles are coming first. Divorce, regardless of the age of the children, has a terrible ripple effect.
Am thinking of a much-needed short vacation after the D, house sale (whenever that will be), and I move into my new digs, whatever and wherever that might be.
Have considered Florida. If I do, the coffee's on me and the hanging out would be a joy, friend.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I love those kids. Period. With all my heart. I am not taking it personally.
This year I fight back with all my strength against negativity, victimhood and feeling sorry for myself. I tend toward that automatically in hard times. What - WHAT - has it ever gotten me? Nothing. Just self-increased pain.
This year everything - everything - will be viewed in a positive, I-am-blessed-in-countless-ways spirit of abundance. It will take time to buck a lifetime of habit, But I will get there. Have already consciously started to make the effort to be aware of the automatic and incessant pervasiveness of this negativity in my mind during rough patches, answering it immediately with its diametrically-opposed opposite in thoughts. I started Friday 1/01/10 (okay, except for that painful email from Step-D. But I - and you guys - got me past that fast).
And I'm going al-out and balls-out on this.
Even little things that would make me funky and p!ssy, I look at them and make it a point to laugh - out loud; it helps -at how pettily ludicrous they are. All of them. They amount to little more than tiny bits and moments of life wasted or spent wrongheadedly. It's starting to work. Slowly, but it's started. I've started. I even put a rubber band on my wrist for the old aversion therapy ouch-snapping!
And all of this as the result of this year of pain. Most of it very real, but much of it self-inflicted, wallowed in, and hence, magnified it needlessly
And I have all of you to thank for much of this: your inspiration, strength, courage, decency, honesty, caring, sharing, courage, eye-opening, painful inner-most sharing. insights and 2x4's.
I interrupted this post for a while when S,33 just called from Colorado. We talked for an hour and as half. He's known of my struggles for reconciliation, becoming the best me I can - for me, and detachment. I told him last month I've reached acceptance. He asked me just now, "where are you today?" Without blinking or thinking,it just came out: "Billy, I'm happy."
I may seem to be waxing philosophic, here, but I am serious and determined. My inner self-talk and outward-looking are getting a serious makeover this year.
Life is good. Even when it sucks.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I'll admit to pondering this one until it was worried threadbare, esp. in regard to my MIL. Then, to a lesser degree with the number of 'our' friends who said not a single word to me during the troubles or after I left. It's one of those things that just doesn't compute, ennit?
Anyhow, Dia drive-by. TAG - you're it.
And Happy New Year!
I have lots to post, lots n lots, even, but checking is is taking precedence atm.
Cheers,
Dia
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
