Well CW, there might be "vets" on this board that would disagree with me but it sounds to me like a 180 for you would be to raise the issue of the R in this case. You said you have not set boundaries... now is the time! He needs to know where you stand! you need to show him a strong CW who will fight for herself, her kids and her M... not the woman who was tolerating cake eating.
Take him aside, tell him calmly but firmly, "I want you to know, I choose this M. I want our family to stay together, but I will not live in an open M. You have some choices to make and so do I. If you choose to end the R with OW, have no contact, and have complete honesty and transparency with me, we can work on this together. If you choose to continue this R, then you need to OWN that choice, to our kids and everyone else. I will give you some time to think about that, but I also won't wait forever."
