A Choice

[patpat]

PDT - I hear you are the person to talk to about this....

I need to bust A. I have set a boundary and have stuck to it.

Boundary set forth to W...

I will share you with OM. I will not live in an open M. This behavior needs to stop if we are ever have a chance to work this out. It can not happen while you remain distracted. If this behavior continues, I will be forced to take whatever action I need to protect and take care of myself and S18. This may include myself taking tyhe necessary actions to terminate our M.

She cried when I told her my boundary, argued a bit.... 1 week later told me that she loved me. I told her never to say that again. May have been a mistake.

Since then, I have slipped twice and myself tried to bring up R talk. W and I are really not talking, but have had to speak to figure out some bill issues. The separation is putting a strain on finances... and I just lost my train of thought.

From here out, NO R TALK, NO OM TALK on my part.

I found out that other man, according to what wife tells a friend, does not really do anything for her other than having a good time in a pressure free enviroment.

W said she just needs some space to figure herself out. She mentioned to me one time that she just does not want any pressure. I know I have screwed that part up.

W's A is pretty much out in the open and mostly in gruop setting. Really not hiding her friend from anyone, I am told that W and OM really do not date, other than watching ball games together. We have no children together, adopted S18 at age 3 prior to getting married to W. W could not have children and told a friend that is one of the regrets she has with our M.

W says I was verbally abusive. I was... but mostly due to arguments. The things I said seemed to be normal. But in hindsight, I can see not and those things probably should not have been said.

Things like... once we were arguing about cleaning the house. I want some areas cleaned up. These areas are spot where all the stuff belongs to her. She does not want me to clean her stuff, because if I do not see a need for something, I tend to trash it. She does not like that about me. She tells me she will take care of it, and she does not. I bring it up again, we agrue... I tell her she keeps telling me that she will take care of it, and I am tired of hearing the same sh!T. She ignores me, and I say something stupid like, "ya know, if you were not here, I wouldn't have this sh!t in the house", she says, "what are you sayin", I say, "if you packed all your crap and got the F out, the house would be clean.. is a win win. By win win, I was thinking - no more agrument and stuff not in the way. Bad choice of words, I know. That was the last argument. "I'm done" she says and she leaves. Did not expect that.

OM is single, 35 years old. Lives at home with his parents. He is not married, and graduated from same college as W. They both like the same college ball team and share some of the same friends that gather to watch or travel to the games.

Aside from the LRT, how can I bust this A up. Is there anything else I can do beside wait awhile to let it die.

I am Gal'ing, and doing 180's.

Have slipped on R talk a couple of times and W did not like it.

What do I do now?

I am lost. Trying to detach. Making slow progress, but not there yet.

I now know I can handle no R or OM talk.

W said she would like to talk to me, and maybe even do some things together but does not feel like she has wanted to because she feels I will just jump her case. I used to be that way. I guess I still am... since I brought up the R an M talk last 2 times were had to convo with each other....

Tell me exactly what to do... please!