New Point in Life

[Sanderika]

(((((Shock)))))

I am happy for you and the kids that you have found a wonderful person to share your lives with. I know you will take it slow for all concerned.

This is a bit different in story.....My MIL died of cancer in Oct of '04 after having been married to my FIL for 45 years. Within 6 weeks of her death he was dating a woman who seemed nice enough....the problem, it was too soon. Even for us kids all 8 of us at the time (who were adults in our 40's) we went into a tailspin. We could not understand how our MIL could be replaced so fast. We, as adults understood that our FIL had mourned the passing of his wife since he heard it was terminal. However, there is a time and place for everything and for this.......IT WAS TOO SOON. We were'nt ready to have OW in our lives and she was the sort who demanded we accept her. She was very confident and self-assured she was there to stay. The relationship didn't last one year. It didn't last because she was demanding and controlling. What it did was cause a bit of a rift between FIL and us kids (even his 4 sons) because we could not accept her. I can see exactly how your S feels. They are young, but not too young to feel betrayal.

Sorry if this is too "off topic" for you, it had some resemblance for me in your experience.

The kids are the first to feel emotions about a situation especially when the are being forced to "live with it". Your wife needs to put her selfish desires aside and step back and realize the anguish this sudden engagement is causing them. It may not be sudden to her....it is sudden for them. They are simply not ready for her to attempt to replace Dad.

IMO, if she continues to treat them without regard, she will eventually lose them too. They will not be able to give this new man any respect or be able to fully accept him in their lives long term.

My son will not give the OW a second of time, respect or any other delusional desire she has about her relationship with my son. It was dead from the git go. It will always be. It is because of the emotions it stirred up in son over the loss of his family. He will never look at her without seeing a monster.
My son was 9 by the way when this all started. He was old enough that this will forever be an impact on his life. That saddens me huge.

Take care Shock, I am sending good wishes to you all....You are a strong Dad, you will see your children through this. I know this because I am a strong parent and I have been able to heal my son. Be there for them regardless and whenever, they will be yours for always. They will learn immediately who they can trust and turn to, it's you.

Sanderika