Moving on with my life!

[Startingover2]

St..I think exh wants the fantasy family. He doesn't want to do the hardwork that it will take so he just comes and plays family and its good enough for him. The rest of the time he falls off the planet. I ran into one of our old MC from the past yesterday while I was out shopping. She asked how things were going and I gave her a nutshell version. She smiled and sort of shook her head and said he is still the same isn't he? She said he is one of the most broken and screwed up people she has met yet. He is so insecure within himself that he needs so much external validation he most likely without intense therapy will not be able to sustain a real relationship for long. She was the first MC that told me to look up sociopath and how he pretty much fits the bill. She also told me what would I need to R because what he has said about the 'slow and steady' is just a cake eating motive for him. He needs to step up..I said MC, complete transparency, no substance abuse and steps to take care of that, no more OW, commitment, etc. She said to tell him you will accept nothing less than those things and stick to it.

25...I do read. I do agree. I feel a backbone when I am done reading and then I weaken. For me, I think even the negative attention from exh is what I am craving. Its something and when I am tired, lonely, bored, mad, sad..whatever it feels good to have something. Its totally flawed thinking. I get that.

I did another peek at exh's emails. He told me he stayed home NYE and had issues late with d15. What he didn't say and that I read on emails is that he was invited to a party and went until d15's stuff came up around 11. He sent an email to one of the hosts and her husband yesterday thanking them for inviting him and asking who the brunette was at the party. The hosts replied it was her friend. Exh said "wow. nice. She is beautiful. Is she single?" His heart isn't here. His heart is trying to find his next victim.

Yesterday I went shopping with baby and my mom. By the end of the trip I was a wreck. I don't know which one was more high maintenance..my mom or baby? My mom is old and sort of crabby and baby wanted to run all over the place. I only got half of what I wanted done.

Exh came and visited baby yesterday. He told me the whole story of what happened with d15 on NYE. We chatted and it was ok. He stayed 30 minutes and left. I didn't hear from him again until last night. He was asking what we were doing. I didn't respond right away. I am sick of him thinking/knowing we sit home night after night. I want that 180 mystery at least in his mind. Finally he said give baby a kiss for him and I waited 20 minutes before I responded with ok. I never told him what we were doing. Then I saw the emails he sent about brunette.

He doesn't want a real R. He wants to continue being the town womanizer.