We moved to Portland in 1994. Put a little money down on a little house, and puttered along. Met friends who are pro-marriage at what used to be our church. But something was always wrong. I was not allowed to share with the other women. Hus strongly emphasized that you 'keep private things private' which made sense. It was reinforced with, 'if you tell anyone, I'll make sure you never see your kids again'. More shoving, punching, bruises. No police reports. Goldey maintains her silence. Her health suffers at times. Her depression flares up. Seeks counseling through EAP, and invites Hus to join. Counselor saw right through the act. Called him on his chitt, and Hus freaked. Refused to accept any part of the mess.
Another baby in 1996. A joyful time for Goldey. But she knew she could not bring any more children into the sitch. Shortly after D13 was born...the real fighting started. Hus broke my finger (slamming it into the door jamb) and Goldey went to the ER. After stopping off at a girlfriend's house to get some first aid. Lied her a$$ off, terrified that she'd lose her kids if she told anyone what was happening. Went to Retro the first time. Made a go of it. For real. It lasted about 6 months. Public put downs, private bullying. Shoving, bruises. Goldey said, "It's not abuse, he's not whaling away with closed fists." Uh...wrong Goldey, it's abuse. Then, the physical stuff started to subside. And he started in on my oldest son.
Do I really need to go on? I'm seeing my IC on Wednesday. I've been away for a while, but recognize the need to stay strong. He's knows the back story, and that my fears are justified. Remember how long it took me to admit that what he does is abuse? I still hate saying the word, but it's time to call a spade a spade. This guy is a monster. When my oldest son submitted, he went after my second son. Who wouldn't know how to submit if you showed him a How To video. They frequently have some tense interactions, complete with slapping, shoving, and screaming in the face. No bruises. No police. More fear.
The problem is that when he's in the middle of a rage, I never just picked up the phone and called the police. I should have done it 10 years ago. Finally, I'm strong enough to expose the Ugly Truth and I don't care what anyone thinks about it. I'm a battered wife. And technically, I'm homeless. Kerry, the shelter people are so concerned that they don't even want me in the county. That's why we're looking in other areas. Once they bring me in the system I can access their programs for the legal stuff. I'm ready to file, just need to wade through the paperwork. It's my downtime project once I get settled into the shelter. Perhaps the Judge will grant my Petition to defer or waive the filing fees. Folks, there's more, but I'm just not comfortable posting for the world to see. Hit me up in the alt if you want to chat sometime, but I'm going to be super busy for the next few days. Peace.
It's moving day for Goldey. Hopefully it will not be too far from the office, as I will have several long days ahead (catching up from week and a half vacation). I've already previewed my e-mail, nothing too exciting, but some that will be time consuming. I might stop in at the office today (if time allows) to clear a path to my desk. I doubt anyone has opened or sorted my Director's mail while I was away. Oh well, lucky to have a job that pays well. Now let's make sure I don't get fired. Thinking of taking a LOA until I can find a place to live. Corporate Office would not look kindly on me living in the Women's Locker Room. (I'm kidding) Well, then my commute would be easy. Peace.
Please pray for Goldey today. And the Bears. My foot is killing me, so I'll load up on ibuprofin and load up my car (house on wheels). I'll know in a couple of hours where I'm sleeping tonight. Shelter is supposed to let me know by 8:00am, to give me time to pack. D13 has no idea that DHS wants to speak with her. The urge to interfere and be her mommy is so strong, yet I need to maintain my distance and take care of me first. She was at a family party yesterday (my Grandma turned 85) and S19 brought her. It was really nice to see Bears #1 and #3. Bear #2 is getting his love bucket filled at BFF's house, and will head off to school tomorrow morning.
Dang, I really need to update this sig line. Peace.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
