Where in the world did that come from !!!

[blownaway65]

I see a pattern here after reading lots of other people's sitch's.

I'm posting heaps really quickly, I suspect because this sh*t is starting to get to me again. I had thought that I was detaching and being a lot more focused in what I was doing, but apparently not.

Maybe I should have a few stiff drinks, watch a porno & smoke a few bongs to take my mind off it.

Nah I'm just gonna go mow the lawn and not post again till I settle down.

[jasper67]

LOL- I'm glad to see that I am nt alone in sending an e-mail then having to delete it after the fact- then there's the old type a text msg and delete it, and repeat over and over.
You are doing a good job by seeking the guidance of other members.
I've been in my sitch for 4+ months now, and I only learned last week that i am reacting rather than responding- I was a broken record- nothing DB or DR about that.
Wishing you the best, also we have the lawn in common- it is no longer a chore for me- very Zen like now

[blownaway65]

Well that feels much better now, I'm back in control of myself & my emotions.

I have booked tickets to Aussie Open Tennis for me & 3 kids on 24th Jan - will be 23rd wedding anniversary so we'll train down to Melbourne & have a fantastic day together.

[givingitmyall]

Hang in there. Feelings/emotions are neither right or wrong. They just are.

And detachment does not mean you have no emotion for your W. That's indifference.

Detachment is imagining the worst case scenario, going there, really living it, breathing it in realizing that despite that awful situation, you will be ok.

Detachment actually means detaching from the eventual outcome. It's not ridding yourself of any emotion towards your W.

So, like a soldier who accepts that he is "already dead" to allow him to act like a soldier in combat, once you detach, in the true sense of the word, then you can begin to act properly.

[sandi2]

She needs to suffer the consequenses of her decisions. Is that loss? Is it shock? As long as she gets to be part of the family stuff......then she is cake eating. As long as you allow her to enjoy or continue to partake of anything she did while living with you.....she's cake eating.

[blownaway65]

Sandi, she's not coming to the Tennis with me & the kids, and she's not coming to S15's 16th birthday in a couple of weeks.

Only cake eating I can think of is that she's not helping me pay the mortgage or utilities.

[blownaway65]

S15 (soon to be S16) has invited W over for his birthday tea on 15th Jan. She told him she might come over.

I explained to S15 that he shouldn't be upset if W is not able to bring herself to come over, she will do what she will.

It would be nice to be able to have her at home for a few hours, if nothing else to show that she can be in her home without ANY pressure about the R.

She has been over a couple of times while I've been at work to see the kids and get some photos of them, so I'm cautiously hoping that she may be starting to soften her hardline stance a little.

She seems to be having no issues with the apparent end of her FB EA, hasn't even tried to contact OM as to why he dropped her from FB. I'm now starting to wonder if maybe there's someone more local that she may have started a PA with.

Trouble is I have no access to anything that may show this up other than E-Mail which there is nothing on.

Anyone have any ideas as to how of if I should proceed with this?

[Virtually_Handsome]

Stop worrying about what she is doing, and start worrying about what you are doing? Maybe?

[blownaway65]

Only worried about what she is doing in as much as "is she having a PA", and if so how do I find out and what do I do about it.

Everyone says the rules change if that's the case!

[Virtually_Handsome]

The rules only change if you change them.

Is it a deal breaker?

Do you have a plan?

Are you really ready to know?

That's all more important than what she is doing.