Moving on with my life!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

wow...ya, that's not good advice from your mom. I would love for you guys to be back together...in a HEALTHY way! you should reassure her that you do not need a man in your life to be happy. and if exH can't be the right father figure for your D, there are other men in your life that can show her what a good man is like and how a good man treats women.

obviously, she wants to help you and must think that you were happier when you guys were together with your problems, then you are now. what do you think? that is an important question I think.

also, I still think that your exh is trying. remember, we sometimes have to search really hard to see the good things that they do. is he still messed up? well, duh. but I still think deep down he wants his family, but he doesn't know how to make that happen, and doesn't know if he wants to do the work either.

so, no matter what, you still have that same goal...focus on you and your goals, keep your detachment, love him as God loves us, set and keep your boundaries, and encourage his good behavior. And then wait and let him prove by his actions if he's going to change or not. It's not impossible. nothing is impossible with God.

I think it was a great idea to invite him to church (make sure you don't show any disappointment to him if he doesn't, you just act like he missed out on something great) I think the more you encourage him to be involved with God, the better it will be.

He said I chased baby around so much that I didn't stop and visit. I wanted to say someone had to watch her...he was sitting in the chair. I didn't say that of course, but did say she is my child and I cannot let her just run amuck.

wanted to mention, isn't that what you were upset about.. I recall you saying that about you chasing her around. Maybe if you hadn't chased her, he would have...(or for guys, they don't think it's as necessary to do that like us mothers do) and who knows, maybe he just wanted to look like the good dad, or maybe he did want you to visit?

I think it'd be better for you to not analyze everything he does. you just do what you need to do, and let things fall as they will. if you want to check his emails (just occassionally! I hope you don't do it everyday) then I think it can be good, if you can keep detached from it, and just take it as info.

I think you did good not saying ILY back. and not blaming him for things or having a comeback with what he says.

oh, and on the schedule. I would suggest telling him, hey, I've noticed D's scheduled visits don't work for you most of time, so why don't we change them to a different date? what about such and such day/time? then see if you guys can work something out. Are you still okay with him not calling and not showing up or does he call? cause if it bothers you, like you could be doing other things and he just wasted your time, then I think you need to mention to him that if he doesn't call by or show up by such and such time, that you will not wait for him, or whatever your boundary is, and that you'd appreciate a more consistent visit schedule this year for your D's sake.

and don't ever ever let him do the unsupervised, just always say, I'm sorry, it's not my decision to make, and I need to follow their rules just like you.

anyways, I'm really glad you had nice times for your holidays... I'm sure that was awkward at the ex-inlaws, but it sounds like they really tried to be nice and keep it from being as un-awkward as possible. I'm sure they felt it too.