What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[TrentC]

Trent,

You're right. I can't pressure her. She says she isn't in an A. She goes to great lengths to prove that she isn't. I've emailed for information. Have you gone?

Not yet; the next one in my area is the middle of February. But I've emailed for information also, and there are a couple of people around here who have gone through it.

[Lotus]

I have been to Retrouvaille and it changed our lives. We went from being a snippy, angry couple, to a happy, laughing couple. It didn't all change at the weekend. But the weekend was the turning point. The way they teach you to talk to each other works. It is sad how poorly equipped we all are for marriage, and how simple the changes are that we need to make. But as well educated as my H and I are, we had to be taught how to get along.

There is a thread in Piecing called "Retrouvaille means change" where there is a lot of information about the Retrouvaille experience. The success rate that I have heard is 80% are still together 5 years after going through the whole program. The whole program consists of the weekend and 6 follow-up or Post sessions. But don't worry about that now. Just commit to the weekend to begin. At the end of the weekend they will explain about the Post sessions and you can decide then whether or not you will continue. We did every step of the way. We enjoyed every minute of it. As we went week to week, we saw results. We felt safer talking to each other. We agreed on more things, we started to even feel love feelings again. It was like turning the clock back 20 years on our relationship. Not every couple from the weekend went to the Post sessions. I would say about 60% of the weekend couples continued through the entire program.

[mindfull]

TriDoc -

I laughed until I cried while watching The Hangover. My H thought it was pretty funny, too, but not to my degree.

The best... The Brother! LoL And, Mike Tyson!

God, I could sit here and roar laughing again...

My D18 and I watched The Ugly Truth a few nights ago. That's really funny, too!


OK... need any more reviews?

I'm still getting a kick out of the ex-World Class Athlete offering me encouragement because I'm sore from WALKING! LoL

Good Luck on the possibility of Retro. I wish I could say we'll meet you there!!! I brought it up once a LONG time ago, and the idea was declined. Better approach needed!!!

Way to connect, rather than alienate. Way to stand up, rather than wilt.

You're doing so well!

[bluerain]

Hi Tridoc. Sometimes it is exactly what we need. I think of little things from that movie and it cracks me up still. Good job focusing on the positives, the goodnight from your wife is a big imporovement over apathy.

Things are going pretty well for me, thank you for asking... Im ready for the next year and excited about some things that I have coming up. Life really is good.

[Sleepy]

Trent and Lotus,

I just got an email from the director to the Retro program in my area with registration. I want to ask, do you have a good way of approaching her about this? I don't think she wants to sit there for 2 days or even put the effort in to do anything, but I could be wrong.

Mindful and Bluerain,

I still laugh thinking about scenes in that movie. My wife laughed but I'm sure she thought it was stupid. We saw "The Ugly Truth" before the A was exposed. She didn't like it at all.

Thanks for being here for me. It's good for me to get female input. I really appreciate it.

[Lotus]

I don't have any novel ideas for how to get agreement. I brought it up right after a particularly painful argument when both of us were thinking, "tomorrow, I call a lawyer." I just said "I heard of a program that is supposed to help people like us. It's called Retrouvaille. I think we should try it." He said OK.

Others have pointed out that it helps the couple with communication, which is needed either way the marriage goes. Some have suggested it will help resolve their unsettled feelings. Some people have made the point that they refuse to continue living in the status quo -- either Retrouvaille or divorce mediation, but no more living together unhappily.

And of course, many do it because both parents agree it is the best thing for the children if they can get along.

It is not a weekend of sitting and listening to lectures. You do listen to the leaders tell their stories, but they are broken into relatively small time segments. Most of the weekend is spent on the writing and discussing, just between the two spouses. My husband took runs in the evenings to workout, and I did yoga in the room between sessions. It is not just sitting in a chair. On Saturday afternoon, we all had a break to just stroll the grounds of the Abbey where our weekend was held.

[TrentC]

I'm with Lotus.

Just be up front with her; tell her that you want to give the program a try because you want to take a shot at making things work.

Tell her that you guys can decide what you want to do after the weekend.

[bluerain]

Youth in Revolt looks pretty promising too, it starts this friday, the 8th. I like that actor!

[Sleepy]

Blue why are you up so late? Promising huh?

Plot:
While his trailer trash parents teeter on the edge of divorce, Nick Twisp sets his sights on dream girl Sheeni Saunders, hoping that she'll be the one to take away his virginity.

Is this out on DVD? Anything with trailer trash has to be funny. I lost it with Ricky Bobby:-)))

[williaij]

Tridoc,

I have been through Retro. 1/09 I wasn't in the right place for it. (felt like I had another thing to do) I am using the techniques now though and it is having a positive effect on my interactions w/ W.

As far as approaching her:
Do what ever you can to get her there. It was an extremely powerful moment in my life.

IMHO the less you know about Retro the more powerful it will be.

Just my .02