Luv, this is ONE confusing situation. I like your goals, and Cutter's idea of mini-goals. You need something to center you. Something to cut the motion sickness.
LUV YA! Find me, real time in the alt sometime soon!!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
thanks Sol - I do know he is trying. He hasn't said "ILY" which bothers me. For now..I guess I will just try to work on me and make my home a nice place to be.
after reading about your movie night and ect, he doesn't need to say ILY. your asking too much right now. you just made HUGE HUGE steps in the right direction. so many people on here would die for what your H gave you. So, don't look for so much, look at what positives you ARE getting. like G said, it took years to build resentment, this reconciliation doesn't happen in days, and doesn't happen in weeks. patience is a virtue.
back to reading all the days I missed...got a lot to catchup on
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
It makes me so angry though. Seriously...is this what we want? to be "longing" for someone's attention/affection? We all deserve better than that. I just get so cynical sometimes reading these posts.
Thank you for your response.
you know why we are all here??? because of a lack of communication. and do you know why it's great to be here??? because we can learn to fix it. choose to take this time to learn and make your M better than it ever was before. going thru rough times can make us stronger or can make us miserable and weak. Which do you want?
you've got such incredible signs of hope in your M, and all I can say is wow. don't make it less than what it is. He's not going to be perfect all the time, and your too focused on what he isn't doing, or is doing wrong, then the things he's doing right.
Originally Posted By: luvless Oh yeah..forgot to tell you...he says to me at the bar, "look I know my wife is hot..I've been watching this guy over here looking at you all night and it's getting on my nerves." LOL whatever
Quote:
SMACK! (for the "whatever") Dang girl are you blind or what?
Ask the other ladies here what they would give to hear that from their H's lips?
C'mon... go ahead... ask them... I dare you!
and ya, G is way right on this one...wow, he just gave you a big compliment, and your dismissing it. It's all because of your bitterness, so try really hard to learn to forgive the hurt he's caused you so you can open up to the good he's trying to give you...otherwise he's going to quit doing it.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I almost feel stupid for my previous posts since I didn't read everything first. But, here are my thoughts. because of your inability to believe he had been trying...your sarcasm about him saying the a guy's staring at his hot wife...and the other things G and I mentioned that you weren't totally believing. I would assume that because you are showing this to us, your probably showing this to H too. IDK, since I'm not there seeing it happen, but that is why I think he backed off. plus, that is usually the trend anyways...they get close, then back off because they get scared, or whatever. Or, perhaps there is an OW, not that he is having an EA or PA, but maybe it is the reason for his confusion. who knows. either way, your goal needs to be the same, and you need to start doing what G's been telling you.
I am glad that you mentioned him doing acts of service isn't what you need. don't expect something to magically happen though. if acts of service is his top LL, then he is showing you love now. it's hard to change what you've been doing all your life.
I'm really sorry for the turn of events. I don't believe for one second that your M is 99% failed. IMHO, you still have a tremendous amount of reason to be hopeful.
and if your H's LL is acts of service...what acts of service did you do for him during the xmas/movie night days? could he have felt that his trying wasn't matched because he was looking for love in a different way than you were showing it?
(((luv)))
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
