Funny how so much of what helps us is linked to MLC. I have to go back and read that post of yours. Yes, it's true. The MLCer goes through all of these stages - I saw this with my ex. It really is true.
As for my clients, I want them to remember who they were pre- crisis so they remember what made them happy before they were brought in the MLC tornado. The MLCer relives "ghosts" of MLC past. But the LBS needs to revisit the past to see what was good, who they were - and reconnect.
Accepting the present is what simply must happen to move one. As hard as it is, you can't move forward if you are stuck blaming and fighting your reality. Then, we are no different than the MLCer. That is what they seem to do. Although going through MLC with our spouses is not our choice, it's the deck we have been dealt. It sucks, it's not fair and it's so difficult, but once you move past who's fault it is, etc., you are more likely to put your yourself into a positive mindset and move ahead.
Dreaming about the future. It seems so cliche, but it's true. We need to do that. Although our MLCers may have left us, doesn't mean we cannot have a brighter tomorrow. They get a little delusional of this, in my book, if you compare thinking about the future with the MLCer vs. LBS. The lbs seems to not think about the future or how bright it may be (justifiably so) and the MLCer may be delusional about how great it will be when he/she leaves. Two totally different outcomes.
But, it's important for us, on this board, to not let MLC steal our hopes for a better tomorrow. No it's not at the expense of others (as MLC seems to do) but it really is about finding the true antidote to getting through such a difficult time - hope.
I guess you could apply past, present, future to many aspects of our lives. We can learn so much from all three of these stages. It is so important that throughout the crisis our MLCers face, we can step back and still work on ourselves.
Thanks so much for the advice about Scotland, Snodderly. One day I will be there..one day!
