NC - W vanished ...

[chatterbug]

During the time between 2 August and 7 September we continued to live together, she stayed in my daughters room (from a previous relationship - my wife is her step-mother).
After she left I then chased her for a month between 7 September and 5 October. I sent her a rose (for which I got a thanks),
We talked for about 90 minutes about things and I was very calm, compassionate and understanding with what she had to say. I also told her that I would continue to fight for her (bad mistake). She then gave me the coffee table from her house as she had no room for it and she helped me into my house with it, sat down and had about a 20 minute chat. I went to a friends house and about an hour later I get a text from her asking me if I wanted to go to the beach with her and the dog!?!

I went to the beach and she did nothing for 90 minutes but criticise, blame me for everything, tell me she didn't want me and told me basically what an a$$ I had been and a terrible husband. I just again continued with the compassion, understanding and forgiveness.

2. I confronted her on why she told him I hit her and she stared at the floor and told me it was because that maybe she deserved to be hit for what she did. I asked her if she knew I would never hit her - she said, yeah you would if pushed. I pressed her on this and she did say I would never ever hit her and never would.

5. I am 36, my wife is 34. She hates smoking. She desperately wants children. The OP is 45 (forgive me any 45 years olds out there :-)), smokes, smokes pot (if his Facebook page is to be believed), drinks heavily, has facial hair (another pet hate of hers) and is abandons his kids (not a great father figure - this is one of the traits she loved about me that I fought for 7 years for my daughter and WOULD never have given up).

8. My wife had a history of dating married and unavailable men - father figures - before I met her. I put this down to her own father (and mother to an extent) abandoning her when she was young. I thought in me she had found somebody who could love her.

She was here on Wednesday when we spent a (fantastic fun day) with my daughter. If you didn't know we'd separated you would never have guessed, but anyway.


Thats from your first post.

Look at what happened when you dropped the rope.

She has built a very bizzare lie. And she is stubborn. She knows what the affairs did to herself. Look at her dating history. Look at her relationship with her Parents.

Look at that history. Look at what you have said was lacking in the relationship. Look at what she left. Look at what she gained.

Take an honest look.

Now that you have done that look at how you and OM fulfilled those EN's of her's for a few months. She became very vocal on the A because she thought you approved of it. But she never broke contact with you. Part of the fantasy of staying friends and your approval. But anyways... You dropped the rope. And it confused her.

Its been one month of guilt free you not around living. One month.

But you do not shy away from the truth. She does. She painted the picture that you were a horrible man. Slander ( abuse ) yet you stood up to her on this issue. She moved 500 M. from your house. Yet you gave only love and silence as a response.

She sees the developing relationship with your daughter. Something that you two did not make. But something she saw everyday. And wanted children of her own. She saw how you worked on developing that relationship again. The sacrifices. The pain. And then finally the joy.

She knows this about you. She knows you will fight for what is a part of you. Fight for the people you love.

Then she looks at her life.

Flight. Her history is not to fight but to self destruct. Take the path of selfishness. But she also knows that this will not last. And when you dropped the rope.... Well she is just begining to process this now. Give it some more time. Let her begin to miss you. Remember you are stable. You have a business. You have shown how you can overcome great hardships because it is the right thing to do. You can forgive.

I am sure when the A was going on she left little hints. Little cries for help.

And now I think she is going to follow one of two paths.

1. Keep this path of self destruct like her Mother. Out of guilt that she became what she did not want to be. Forever repeating the same mistakes because she is afaid of herself and does not know how to deal with her issues. A child in a woman's body. Grow old and unhappy because she never realized that happiness comes from within. A miscued idea of love and relationships. No relationship is happy 100% no relationship is perfect. She is probally surprised that other relationships work through issues instead of running away. Suprised that people are not selfish when their needs are not met. And she will not learn this lesson. And have a very sad and disappointing life full of blame shifting , spite and bitterness. Always finding problems and ignoring solutions.

2. She releazies her problems. But does not know how to cry out for help. Self distructs. Loses everything. But pride steps in and she remains quiet about her losses. She reaches out confused, afraid and alone. She needs to be taught what remorse really is. For she has never confronted it.

But the 2nd one is timebased.

We are moving forward. The clock is ticking. She does not realize this. Nor do I think they ever do. When she left to have the affair. She passed control over to you. The stop watch was pressed. She knows that you and D are getting along great. She knows that you and D'mom are working out your differences. So she pulls herself further into her affair. She is pushing for 100% EN's from him now. A man who could remove his family from his life. She knows this. And she knows that he can do it to her as well. She has picked this mate very well. For it is one that can be easily discarded based on what path she chooses to follow.