First of all, my H called to say that he is coming home. Great, I cant wait (sacasism) I am not excited about him being here. There is so much fighting and stupid crap when he is here. I just let it roll off my back and act like I am fine that he is coming home.
Anyway, as I am sitting at home enjoying a nice silent night alone before he gets here, he starts texting me that all kinds of sex questions, what are you wearing to bed tonight, and stupid crap like that. I kept dodging the questions, not answering them, or saying something funny. Finally he text that he can't wait to get home so that he can do me. Well that is great. I think that it's great that he wants to do that but at the same time he has not asked one questions about how my week was, how the kids are, how I am doing... It's all about what he wants. I am getting frustrated wtih the fact that the only time he wants to be around me is when I am naked. I want an H that woudl like to be around me for my company. I am so frustrated about not having anything from the neck up in my H's eyes. He eventually gets upset that I am not answering his questions about the sex and he calls me instead. Wants to know why I cant joke with him and that I am just a stick in the mud about sex. I try not to respond to it, saying that it's late, I am tired, I really am not in the mood to discuss sex with him. Well he gets angry and ask if he is going to get any at all when he gets home. I say that I doubt it because I am not in the mood and he certainly is not putting me in the mood. I get called a dumb fu**er for whatever his reason and he starts going on about how I don't care about what he needs. I hung up. I turned my phone off.
I was still up when he got home. I did not talk to him, I kept watching TV. Guess what??? He starts talking to me like nothing happen. Asking about going on the ride, whose all going, what is going on this coming week and all kinds of other stuff like that. Never says sorry, never says anything about that fact that he called me that.
He wanted to know if I was going to sleep in our bed or not. I asked if that is where he was sleeping. He said yes, so I said no I was not going to be sleeping there. Since I said no then he come over to the couch and starts bugging the crap out of me. Playfully pulling my hair, trying to tickle me, gets in the way of the TV, and so on. I end up rolling over on the couch and pulling the blanket over my head. He goes upstairs, gets a blanket and pillow and puts it in front of the couch. "This way you cant sneak out to see your boyfriend" I get up and go to the bed. As I walk away, I just say, Could you please give me some space. You are annoying me and I want to be left alone. he did. Until in the moring when he was horny!! Then he is all over me and gets mad when I dont' respond.
I am tired of being his HOLE. I am tired of being in a M that seems to be getting nowhere. I can't leave yet. I want to leave but I can't make it happen right now. Does this man not understand what a R/M is all about?????
He gets mad at me, calls me names, says hateful things to me, breaks my stuff, and treats me like crap one minute and then it's all nicey nice and playful again.
I hate this roller coaster ride with him. I think I am about to either puke or jump off.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
Spybunny... Everything is ok. I decided to take a break form here cuz I did not feel like I was getting any where on this. I know that most people believed that I need to leave my marraige but I was not ready to. I wanted people to help me find ways to better myself, my marriage, help me understand my husband better, and hopefully help me to get on the path to saving my marriage. I felt as if no one here really wanted to help with that, instead it was always get out, get out, get out. I am still with my husband. Around christmas time, things came to a boil and I started looking for a different place to live. I called about apartments and houses and did this in front of him. I refused to hide what I was doing. In the end, I knew in my heart that I did not want it, that if I moved out then I would take him back at a drop of the hat. My Husband was on his knees telling me that he could not imagine his world without me. (Yes I know it is just words, I am hoping that he continues to show me this) I have now decided that I want to keep trying. I told my husband that I was going to give it one more try. If things did not improve significantly and soon, I was done. I would not continue to hurt and be married to him. I have seen much improvement in my husband, however, it remains to be seen how long this 'show' will continue. I am happy with things right now, but I do wait for the other shoe to drop. Only time will tell.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
