Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[antlers]

Today I'm kinda strugglin' with the fact that things are what they are.

My 12 y/o son and 13 y/o daughter are so messed up right now...full of resentment and anger, and disrespect.

Are you sure it's about you? They are at 'that' age as well. It could be about her having a bad hair day, the girl that snubbed him at lunch... reframe, refocus, regroup.

They need support in dealing with the brutal facts of their reality.. can you do more for "THAT" than you are doing?

If no, then tell yourself you are doing the best you can... we can't protect our kids from pain, hurt, suffering.

We can lessen it.. if you've done all you can to lessen it, then you as much as you might want to .. I don't think you can 'fix it'.

It's OK to hurt, antlers. What you chose to do with that hurt can be productive for you emotionally or not.

Are you still in IC?

And their mother seems like a different person from the one I've known for all these years. Hard as stone.

she's detached because of breaking the bond the two of you had. It's almost impossible for their to be closeness without a bond.

My oldest daughter (wife's from a previous marriage that I've raised since she was 2 y/o) has seemingly decided to erase me from her life.

very few things in life are permanent.. parental erasure included

And oldest daughter and her mother are working big time on the little ones...to turn them further against me.

is this rational thinking? Do you have evidence for this? Or is this a fear?

Things have definately gotten much worse since she filed for divorce on Oct. 1st.

there is a reason there is a v. between the names on the divorce decree

When you're goin' through hell, keep goin'! But damn...how far do you have to go before you get out of it?

it is what it is.. fighting it doesn't get you out any quicker.

I'm trying. And I'm so ready to see light instead of darkness...and I'm so ready to feel something other than pain.

only you can make that choice of what you are feeling..& what you are seeing.

Sorry for the gloomy post, but some days are better than others...and right now I'm havin' a hard time.

yep we all have them... what are you doing for GAL besides your solitary biking? Are you seeking others out for a some positive interactions & affirmation? Attending social events? Trying new adventures?

Peace
Bridge

1. I'm sure that some of it is about me, and some of it is about the situation. Some of it may be because they are the ages they are. But your advice is spot on, and appreciated..."reframe, refocus, regroup".

2. I know they do Bridge! We can probably always do more, and I'm trying my best.

3. I'll continue to try to learn more and be even more supportive for them. I know they feel pain, hurt, and suffering. But they also feel resentment, anger, and disrespact. It's not good for them, just like it wasn't good for me.

4. I can't fix it. I just want to do better for them and with them.

5. I do. And I know you're familiar with the pain. I've chosen to change for the better. I have, and I still will. But I'm growing weary of hurting this much.

6. No. During the separation, when I began to improve and get stronger and healthier and better...I stayed with it for a good while. Then the insurance benefits ran out and it got very expensive at about the same time I thought I could get by without it for the time being.

7. There is no closeness on her part, no bond, and no attachment...no nothing! I still feel connected. I still care.

8. Thanks for that. I hope it holds true in this case. I've always loved her as much as my own kids, and I've always considered her 'mine' as much as the 2 little ones.

9. It's true, whether it's rational or not. They are always telling me "mom said you did this" or "big sister says you did that"...always derogatory things. They won't even hug me in front of her because they are uncomfortable with her seeing them show me affection. It's not a fear.

10. That doesn't mean it has to turn vindictive and hateful!

11. Agreed. It's been over a year now. And I'm just weary of hurting so much.

12. I keep hearing that, and I do believe that ultimately it's true. Nonetheless, I'm weary of hurting this bad. The remorse prolongs the pain, I suppose.

13. Yeah, I'm doin' what I can. Sometimes I ride with others...but the winter has pretty much shut the riding down. I do things more with friends, they come over or I go over; I even went to our huge Christmas party for work. I haven't done that without her for nearly 2 decades. I have the kids every single day that I'm off. Sorta hard gettin' used to being single.


Thanks for posting to me Bridge.