OK. No more contacting OM. None. He's not going to tell you the truth either. And you do not want to elevate him in importance. The attitude needs to be he's beneath you and not worth your time.
You have told your W where you stand. Leave it alone for now, but keep your eyes (cyber for now) open. And be prepared to enforce your boundary.
Get busy and keep your mind occupied. I still would not let your guard down when you talk to her. Let her initiate contact (except for you talking with the kids), and keep your responses short and to the point.
Another thing to come to terms with is that you have no control over her or the eventual outcome. What you can do, and it would be a great way to occupy your time, is to work on improving yourself. What are some things you can change - things that got you where you are with your M?
Is she willing to go to MC? You can't force her, but if she's willing, I would see if there is any way you can set that up for when you get home of by telephone/skype now. Sooner the better.
