Look at the post I made on your thread already. Get your ducks in a row, and that means speaking with a L. You don't have to do anything like filing if you aren't ready, but you have got to protect yourself legally. If your W is cheating, she WILL NOT TELL YOU THE TRUTH. Plain and simple, all cheaters lie.
Absolutely keep the lines of communication open with your kids. No matter what. If she tries to draw you into a R discussion, just tell her you aren't ready to talk about it, you are busy, have to go.
And as far as forgiving her for the OM, you two have to deal with that, most likely with a MC. If you don't, things may go back to normal for a while, but you will be right back where you are right now in the future.
