Why can't I just do it!?

[Trixi]

@CTH Hmmm....very good point.
I read the last few pages of your story over in Newcomers-- very interesting. And REALLY interesting advice from Sandi!

Both my H and I suffer from an immature thing which is "It's not MY fault". For instance, the other night when we finally succumb to temptation, the next day it was all about how the other one tricked us or used their wiley ways or teased too much. Normally, though, I am actually pretty good about taking responsibility (almost too good) but when it comes to the marriage/getting divorce, I don't want it to be 'my fault'. I don't want to be the one that filed (even if it is the only way out of limbo) because *I* am NOT the one that wants a divorce.
So somehow, I need to reframe it in a way that I can okay with doing the very thing I don't believe in.

@OTMT are you saying that you love your wife but you're not IN love with her? If you are the least bit Judeo/Christian, you might want to pick up the Love Dare and try it on your wife. The movie Fireproof might also be good to watch prior to doing the Love Dare. You have SO many young children, I REALLY hope you'll be able to find a way out of confusion and into a fully loving marriage.
I was reading a book last night called something like "Misunderstood God" (about how God loves us) and the author was talking about when he was 6 1/2 years old and the day he saw his dad drive away to go start a new life with the mistress he had met at work. The young boy was crying out and trying everything to get his dad's attention, but the dad turned the other way and drove off down the street. (It's WAY more powerful how the author wrote it.) ANYway-- the point was that for 20 years the author carried this pain with him. So I truly hope for your kids sakes (and for your own hearts) that you can find the solution.

...but then I think about this quote from "It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken" (thanks to BBJ for recommending the Behrendt books)-- Quote-- The person you loved took a good long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together and said , "No, thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere." <snip> Anyone who asseses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears. --endquote--

From a distance my head says "YEAH!! Get out of here you rat bastard!!" but up close and personal and my heart says "no no no! Don't go!"

Yuck.
But it is time for SOMEthing different to happen. And (as was pointed out by, was it Couch or GIMA?) there are two choices- put the marriage back together or take it apart. The third choice of sitting still has not an option any more. Besides, isn't sitting in limboland almost the same as taking the marriage apart? Only passively?