We had a small talk after that. I think it went well. I told her that I realized recently why she was so angry, and that it made sense given how I treated her. I wasn't emotional, I didn't break down, it was very matter of fact. She started bawling. She also apologized for the first time for her behaviors. She said she has so many regrets now, she doesn't know if she can forgive herself for what has happened. She must have gone through about ten tissues in our fifteen minute talk.
This does't make sense to me. She has regrets about her behavior, but she continues it. She doesn't know if she can forgive herself, so she might as well carry on with what she is doing? Sounds like stonewalling so that she can enjoy the benefits of being married without the responsibilities.
Is there much of an age difference between the two of you? I'm wondering if she chooses men in positions of authority (dad is a pastor), and then rebels against them. I have an idea what kind of M.D. you are now, so that would make even more sense. It's not particularly relevant, but interesting to think about.
I like that you called her out on just "stopping by the party" but I wish that you had done the same about the grocery store. She really should own her infidelity. This business of using lame excuses (lies) is just a way of avoiding the elephant in the room--the adulturous affair. Puppy Dog Tails advocates using very straightforward descriptors when talking about these things, i.e. "your boyfriend" instead of the guy's name, "lies" instead of excuses, "booty call" instead of grocery store (that one is mine)--just to put things in a realistic perspective, and show your disapproval.
