Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[davidswife]

SD,

I've never posted to you before, you're getting great advice. But when I saw your past post, I just have to say "no". Don't do it.

Puppy will chime in soon, and I'm almost 100% sure he'll agree. This OM would never believe anything you say, anyway.

Just my .02 this morning.

Good luck!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I have another question for the experts on this board.

I have the OM's home address in dallas. Should I contact him, and tell him to leave my W alone-tell him what happened between W and I before I left?

My gut tells me no, it would be a big mistake, but I would like the opinion of the board.

No. It would be a big mistake.

Puppy

[givingitmyall]

I have another question for the experts on this board.

I have the OM's home address in dallas. Should I contact him, and tell him to leave my W alone-tell him what happened between W and I before I left?

My gut tells me no, it would be a big mistake, but I would like the opinion of the board.

No. It would be a big mistake.

Puppy

Listen to Puppy, SD. You do not want to elevate OM in importance by contacting him. HE is not the problem. He's just a symptom of it. Quite simply, he's not worth your time.

[Frosty Michael]

Agreed. Having never contacted the OM in my sitch (who I had once considered a good friend), I'm very glad I didn't. He'd not worth the effort.

[Lotus]

SD,

As I said before, I don't know what is going on with your wife. You mentioned that the two of you discussed the possibility that she might be bi-polar. That sounds very plausible to me. I don't believe that she said all those things to you as lies. I think she has emotional problems beyond her control and she means everything she says, both the good and the bad, when she says them. But her emotions swing from one extreme to the other.

[Another_Soldier]

SD I am sorry for you i have been reading your sich and i am kind of going thru the same thing as you right now as ou may see in the post i had just made. Your story has made me want to tell mine. I am in Iraq too and you can PM me because we can relate on a lot of diff levels and if we are in the same AO we can help each other out thru the hard days. PM Me another SR Enlisted

[SoldierDad]

I am feeling some of the same feelings of dread and despair that I was feeling before I went on R & R.

I know that I am ok, I know that I am on the right track.

W has NOT contaced me. I am obsessing over her NOT contacting me. I don't understand why she is dark. I know I have to let go of that, but it just makes NO sense.

We agreed to do the work, we agreed to seek counseling. We agreed to work on our marriage, and now I feel as if the rug was pulled out from under my feet.

I went for a 4 mile run, and feel better, but my thoughts careen all over the place on what is going on with her/us.

I know everyone says this is a rollercoaster ride, but when does the ride begin to smooth out?

[Gnosis]

I am feeling some of the same feelings of dread and despair that I was feeling before I went on R & R.

And how did it work out for you then?
What did you do to get out of it?

W has NOT contaced me. I am obsessing over her NOT contacting me. I don't understand why she is dark. I know I have to let go of that, but it just makes NO sense.

Not what you want to know, but something to think about: "Ours is not to reason why, ours is to do or die." Does that ring a bell?

We agreed to do the work, we agreed to seek counseling. We agreed to work on our marriage, and now I feel as if the rug was pulled out from under my feet.

OK, another question... the "we" in your quote reflect the two of you. Um... last time I looked the two of you are thousands of miles apart, so how does that work out?

I went for a 4 mile run, and feel better, but my thoughts careen all over the place on what is going on with her/us.

I hear you. Unfortunately the only thing you CAN do is keep yourself busy.

I know everyone says this is a rollercoaster ride, but when does the ride begin to smooth out?

Its starts to smooth out when you can detach from the situation. Some people take years to achieve it, others months. There is no set timing or fixed rule on the length of time. This all depends on YOU. The sooner you can reign in your thoughts and control them the sooner it smoothes out. Not the answer you were looking for, but the only one I can give you.

[Gnosis]

How's your assignment coming on? (Re-reading your thread and making notes?)

[MichelleLT]

Ditto to everything Gnosis said.

Plus, again, it is going to take her time to work through her issues. There is no instant fix. She will not instantaneously slide back to the person you remember. She will backslide, she will make more mistakes. She will spew, she will be dark, she will be nice.

If you let it, that will drag you up and down. Throw you off.

It has nothing to do with you. It's about her and what she's going through. Don't take it personally. Don't let it get to you. It's not about you.