Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[antlers]

Today I'm kinda strugglin' with the fact that things are what they are.

My 12 y/o son and 13 y/o daughter are so messed up right now...full of resentment and anger, and disrespect.

And their mother seems like a different person from the one I've known for all these years. Hard as stone. It's hard for me to get my brain around it.

My oldest daughter (wife's from a previous marriage that I've raised since she was 2 y/o) has seemingly decided to erase me from her life.

And oldest daughter and her mother are working big time on the little ones...to turn them further against me.

Next court date is in May. Things have definately gotten much worse since she filed for divorce on Oct. 1st.

Sometimes...a lot...I just don't know what to do or how to be. When you're goin' through hell, keep goin'! But damn...how far do you have to go before you get out of it?

The love of my children is something that I treasure, and I feel like I'm losing it. My oldest daughter is especially hurtful. We've communicated, gone out to eat, etc. since her mother left in Feb. of last year...but since her mother filed...oldest daughter has dropped me like a dirty shirt!

All of this is very painful. It's been going on for over a year now. And it's getting worse.

I'm trying. And I'm so ready to see light instead of darkness...and I'm so ready to feel something other than pain.

The love of my kids is the most important thing to me now, and so is being the best dad I can be, and becoming the man I was meant to be.

Sorry for the gloomy post, but some days are better than others...and right now I'm havin' a hard time.